What is Love?

My question for everyone. My thoughts and feelings about my experience with this thing called love.

Sometimes I wonder to myself, “If I’m as pretty as people say, if so many people like me, why am I still alone? What am I doing wrong?” 

I have never been in love before. I have had a man in my life for three and a half years who I loved, but I wasn’t in love with him. It is a different feeling when you’re in love. I always talk to people, and I’m always friendly with people, sometimes I flirt sometimes I don’t know how much it impacts others, then I let them down, or I get let down in the end. I was told that I shouldn’t be so friendly to guys and they wouldn’t try to be with me. I am not sure where this post is going to go so bear with me.

I want to be someone’s someone. I have a feeling in my heart that my guy is out there somewhere, and it hurts so much to realize that the ones you have such strong feelings for you can’t have for various reasons. Weather it be, you have SO many feelings for this guy but you know your family wouldn’t like him due to the past events, or he got out of a long relationship and only will ever see you as a friend, or even if you like the guy and he’s with someone else. I have all three of these things right now. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I sometimes think to myself that maybe if I just shut myself up, and keep everything in, no one will know how I feel, no one will know what’s going on with me. I don’t want to feel like someone’s rebound because he wants to leave his current girlfriend to then be with me, I don’t want to feel like I stole someone’s someone from them. I don’t want to be another girl in his parade of girls he talks to or flirts with, I want to be his and only his.

I want someone who I can be a nerd with, who I can play video games throughout the night with, someone who will hold my hand in public and not be afraid of what people will think, someone who will be my shoulder to cry on when I need one, someone who will make me laugh or make me smile during hard times, kiss my tears away, kiss my scars, someone to tell me and make me believe that it’ll all be okay now.

I just want to know what I’m doing wrong, I want to know why I’m not someone’s someone. I want to have those people read this and realize, I do have feelings for you. I want to just be happy and have no worries, have friends in the end, not lose anyone, I want to feel good about myself, I want to feel happy, feel like I have a purpose on this earth....is that too much to ask for?

Author's Note

Let me know what your thoughts are on love.