Home

A girl who drifts from abusive situation to abusive situation

Monday I come home
And she's happy that I'm her daughter
She's baked me cookies
And reads me bedtime stories

Tuesday I come home
And she's sad she's stuck with me
She's stayed home all day
And cries on the porch while I brush my teeth

Wednesday I come home
And she's mad at me for dragging her down
She's broken anything that can be
And yells me to sleep

Thursday I come home
And she's jealous of all I have
She's torn my stuffed friends
And tells me to be less selfish

Friday I come home
And she's gone because of me
She's left a note revealing my faults
And says she's not coming back



Saturday I wait
And I'm glad she's gone
I know she'll come back eventually
But I savor the moments before

Sunday I wait
And I'm wondering when she'll be back
I know she hasn't really left for good
But a part of me believes it

Monday I come home
And I'm nervous that she's really gone
I know she hates me
But I'm running low on cereal

Tuesday I come home
And I cry when I don't see her car
I know now that she really does hate me
But I wish it wasn't true

Wednesday I come home
And I understand she's gone for good
I know she's not coming back
And I'm better off without her

Thursday I come home
And I start to miss her
I know I thought she was horrible to me
But was it really ever that bad?

Friday I come home
And all I can do I cry
I know I should hate her for what she did
But I love her and want her to come home



Saturday I wake up
And I know she's come home
I watch from my window as she walks up our home
And shrivel away when she scorches me with her gaze

Sunday I wake up
And I wish I hadn't wished her home
I watch numbly as she screams her curses
And slink away when she's taken out all her anger

Monday I come home
And she's happy again
She apologizes profusely for leaving
And sings me a lullaby

Tuesday I come home
And she's sad again
She feels like a horrible mother
And makes me tell her she's not

Wednesday I come home
And she's mad again
She says I made her feel guilty on purpose
And is determined to make me pay

Thursday she locks me in my room
And she convinces me if my selfishness
She tells me to think about my actions
And I secretly pack my backpack for a journey

Friday I don't come home
And I finally feel happy
For once in my life I feel free
And I intend to keep it that way



Saturday I steal a ride on a train
And I'm going to find him
No matter what it takes
And no one is going to stop me

Sunday I make it to the city
And I start to wonder if I made the right choice
Strangers lurk around me
And I have to keep a constant watch

Monday I fall asleep hidden in an alley
And I'm glad to have a moment of relief
A man accidentally awakens me while taking my belongings
And he steals a piece of me

gross
s**t
empty
dirty
alone
numb
ugly
irresponsible
worthless
fake
liar
w***e
nothing
fat
useless
stupid



I don't know what day today is
I don't remember who I was
I don't know who I am
I don't know who I want to be

The cafe lady sees me look
She gives free food
Says she's worried
Before she makes the call I run

A man brushes against me in the street
I scream at him
I scream at the world
I run from the looks

I hide by the trash
Wait for food
The fast food man doesn't see me
I can't eat it

The cafe lady gives me free food again
There I see The Man
He smiles as I freeze
Nothing is free

Another stolen ride to another city
I need to find him
No more breaks
No more excuses

A cold night spent on a hard floor
He will fix everything
He will protect me like he used to
Before he abandoned me to escape her



A knock on a door
A hope vanquished
A brother gone
A sister who wishes to be

Inside his home with his wife and son
His new family
Nothing is free
Not all costs listed

A bag packed in the middle of the night
Items stolen from good good people
But for a good cause
Have to leave before I pay the cost

A dark road
A raised thumb
A kind woman
A locked door

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

The numb is gone
The pain in my head is disabling
The cold of the concrete bites into my flesh
A deep regret fills me



I don't know where I am
I feel hazily through the mix of constant drugs and pain
I want to go home
I don't care which one

I think of the unsafe home with my mother
I think of the unexpected home with the cafe lady
I think of the loving home with his family
I think of the way I ran away from each

.
.
.
.

Sometimes I can think through the haze
It helps
Sometimes I can't think
I have to think so I don't forget

The blond man enters with the woman
I think he's going to start again
But then they take a picture
And leave

The woman asks me questions
The drugs force out my answers
How old fifteen
Virgin no

I see sunlight for the first time in what seems like forever
And the haze is gone
She says to go with her quietly
The blonde man visibly conceals a gun



The long ride is finally over
And the woman leads me into a home
A blue eyed man hands her money
Then takes me downstairs

Another girl in the cell next to my own
Says she's been here a while
Almost three years older than me
Says to give up

The blue eyed man visits
He brings food and smiles
Puts his hand on my leg
Almost hits me when I pull away

Next to me the other girl speaks
Says it won't last
He'll give up the nice guy act
Her words scare me

Today she is crying
Says when he took her from her cell last night
After he was done
He said she would be eighteen tomorrow

I wake up and she is gone
Foam at her mouth and vacated eyes
I know now that she is gone he will take me
I think of home

I don't think about what happened
I think of the homes I had
The home I am forced to have
The home I will have



Today I awake to shouting
Uniforms wrap my naked body in blankets
The drive to the hospital seems to take forever
I want to run



I don't

Author's Note

Just a story I felt like I had to get off my chest. Had been floating around in my head for a week or so, and one night the words just flowed onto paper.