A Breath from The Death

The Goddes of Coldness blows her cold breath in my face.

It feels like my feet are freezing to death.

What is the meaning of this place?

Why am I here in the first place?

I'm all alone.

The only thing here besides me, is Death breathing down my neck.

The cold gets worse.

I turn around.

And then it ends.

Reviews

[♍ Kirstin ♎]

Ok I really like this poem, you convay the feel of it very well. Having said that I think it might be a bit better if - on the line: "The only thing here besides me, is Death breathing down my neck." you took a new line on "Death". It'd give it mre emphasis. Other than that it's an amasing write and I love the last line. =)

[misha]

Intense, great job.

[shedevil]

this poem gives life to the phrase thing are not as they apper. it is good for knowing that all you have to do it turn aroung and face whats bothering you and you just may fing there was no problem there at all

[Casper]

oh this is pretty cool, i love the repeating of the word "place". "what is the meaing of this place? why am i here in the first place?" prolly my favorite lines. good work :]

[A Risen Heroine.]

I really like this it's pulling me in.
Great read and nice work.
Keep on writing and thanks for sharing!
~A Fallen Heroine~

[Aimee Mahathy]

I really like the story this tells, especially the ending. :3 I feel like you began on a very strong note and ended on an even stronger one. The only advice I'd give is that maybe you could elaborate on the middle part. Maybe you could describe how alone you are, what you see? Or what you feel that makes the cold become worse. Just some thoughts. :3
I really like it though~

[robyn.alexandra]

The repetition makes it strong. Words of truth and raw emotion, it could be extended easily, to delve deeper into the moment and the emotion. As a stand alone poem though, Bravo.

[Color of the Iris]

Wow, this was awesome... it was like you had faded to another world while your body suffered slowly in the real world, and you saw it happening to you as you stood beside your body, and then you finally wake back up in the end and die... total awesomeness, man. 100/100 :)

[Kaitlyn]

love it :) super good

[;]

Lets cut to the chase, You should definitely make this piece longer. You should delve into the Goddess of Coldness, Death, and how you end. Whether it be from a well placed sword or that you simply seize to exist. If you don't take my suggestion and make this piece longer then you should make the ending line more pronounce and viral. Make it a punch in the stomach that leaves me gasping for breath. Once you do that then I believe that this poem will be epic, maybe even so epic as to turn into a short story. Thanks for sharing!
♥E

[taylor young]

nice