Mommy Zombie

A Story by Daniel Thaddeus

This is intended to be a children's book for kids that are becoming an older sibling.

I used to think that my family was pretty normal. I mean, all parents are weird right?

My dad does some really goofy things. He thinks he’s hilarious.

My mom sings and dances all of the time. Sometimes it looks weird.

But for the most part, they’re normal parents.

Then one day, I noticed something. There was something not quite right about my mom.

It all started shortly after my baby brother was born. My mommy changed. She turned in to . . .

A ZOMBIE!

She used to look like this:

I’m pretty sure it started a few months ago. My mom started to put weird things on her pizza. It mostly involved lots of garlic.

Then she started eating a lot of pink meat [prime rib].

Then it got weirder than that. She started eating cantaloupe and sardines.

Together.

At the same time.

This went on for a while. Her mood changed a lot, too.

Sometimes she was really happy. Other times, silly things would make her cry. Like songs on the radio or TV commercials.

Then, one day, I came home from school and my grandparents were there.

They told me Mom was having a baby. I missed her, but I did get to stay with my grandparents for a while.

Then, I got to visit the hospital. My mom started to look different, but she looked really happy.

Once she got home, the transformation started.

Mommy thumped and plodded around the house during the day time, making groaning and moaning noises. Just like a zombie.

Sometimes I hear her doing it at night too.

Mommy now has wild hair and dark, saggy eyes.

I heard my Dad say that Mom looked “dead tired” once. I don’t know what that means, but I’m pretty sure it has to do with being a zombie.

Mommy wears sweat pants a lot now. She never used to do that. She wears my Dad’s clothes a lot too.

I can only draw one conclusion from this: Zombies love sweat pants.

Daddy and I started hanging out. All the time. So I asked him.

“Daddy, is Mommy a zombie?”

He told me that Mommy is tired a lot. And that having a baby is hard work. And that nursing a baby is hard work, too. It keeps Mommy up at night. I had to learn that babies need lots of attention. They don’t know anything. You even need to teach babies how to sleep.

Daddy did a good job reassuring me that Mommy loved me just the same. And he reassured me that Mommy was not a zombie.

My baby brother on the other hand, well, he seems to sleep all day. He keeps Mommy and Daddy up all night, and he is on an exclusively liquid diet. Could it be? Could my baby brother be a vampire?