The Dance

She was mentally quick

clever, ingenious and shrewd

 

He was unable to see it

not quite as smart

 

however, in the mood

 

She danced right around him

in patterns,  light on her feet

 

He tried to keep up

 

shifting,

trying to catch the beat

 

She changed her attention

 

concentrating

on another tune

 

He caught on to the circle

and quietly

 

                   left the room

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[renea hanna.]

this speaks to me of that inevitable moment when we are all, at one time or another, fixated on some strange and fascinating person that we know we'll never really be able to run alongside of. it's beautiful because it has an honest ending of bittersweet dejection while maintaining a certain lightness to it. also short and succinct. very successfully communicated. enjoyed very much.

[Emily B]

oh, wow! Perfection . . .

[David Lewis Paget]

Trying to quickly switch to another wavelength is difficult, especially when you're playing catch-up. Sometimes we're caught on the wrong foot, or we're running along parallel tramlines that never meet. Whatever, the result is the same. Very short, sharp and to the point. Cleverly executed. Piquant comes to mind. Clever rhyme scheme.

[Michael Carr]

enjoyed it, simple but takes on a broad subject. very witty in word choice as well. give you props for that. some great lines and a good flow. great work man.

[Trée]

Beautifully executed. The pacing mimics the dance of mind, one around the other, quick, to the point, wanting a fight, the thrill of the argument. At last, he's not up to the task. Nice work. Like wine, I like it better and better with each reading.

[Chaos]

First let me say that the rhythm is quick, sweet and to the point. There are many in our lives that fascinate us or confuse us. In addition to the confusion and fascination, they also are above us or at least in our perception of what above is. I loved the give and take, push and pull of this piece. You sent the reader one way and then other and in the end they all met in the same place; outside of the room. Great job!

[LSS]

I get the impression of many arguments I have had with the women in my life. Too often they can dance around me in circles. I use logic and travel in straight lines and they in ethereal emotional dips and swoops, that no sooner do I think I've got figured out, when their gone off on another tangent. "I'm out of here," says my frustration.
Lar

[ganymeder]

I like the beat of the poem. The impression I get is of someone drawn to another person that's way out of their league.

I really liked the rhythm.

[Lori]

I love the cat and mouse-like dance here, and it's reflected in the rhtyhm quite nicely. It shows that you have a wonderful poetic ear. I also like your instinct for line and stanza break as well as spacing. You use it so effectively to heighten the drama. One extremely small thing is you left out the word "to" in the first line of the second stanza. "He was unable [to] see it."
Thanks for a great read.