Roulette

I once shot myself after three blank chambers
Once for shadowed thoughts that haunt
Twice for the cruel tricks of illusion
Three times for the thrill of feeling

But the fourth time was an accident
Because I no longer wanted a reminder
Lodged into my fantasy filled head

I wanted to dance with the others
To feel the meaning of being enough
I wanted my love to look up at me
As if I were towering, to kneel for him

But my fingers throbbed from the blood loss
And I still had the bullet in my foot