House Hunting

I was nine when I first walked through the house

An empty shell, growling for its fill.

The grass was tall enough to sheath me kneeling

I believed that meant I would be safe.

Yellowed bare walls and freshly swept carpets

Promised the possibility of being made whole.

But I felt the wind tugging me back to our car

As the sun yielded behind obscuring clouds.

I remember the vastness of the fields surrounding us 

Suddenly aware of how seclusion is silencing 

Even the large tree out front was weeping

And pulling away from the windows 

But I complained that the kitchen was too far from my room

Because I didn’t know what “ominous” meant

Reviews

[David Klay]

I love this...has the feel of an old Simon & Garfunkel tune. Has an eerie feeling to it. A captivating write.

[Terpsichore]

Quite a haunting feel to this, and as a previous reviewer, (beccy,) has said, the progression is really good, as is the way you have written this from the perspective of a child.

Kudos.

T

[Beccy]

The progression from the innocently childish desire to be safe, made whole, to the eerie silence of seclusion, then the final leaving behind of that empty shell of a house, is so very well detailed. And that last stanza, when you describe how the child doesn't really understand why the house will never become her home, is quite chilling.

You write well.

Beccy.

[Sarah Jane]

Thank you, much appreciated

[iceintheattic]

The house hunting sounds like a haunting of the house - I smiled at this despite it is sounding rather ominous for a 9 year old, I feel the little curiosity of exploring the unknown itself.
- Dolly

[VMnM7]

*CHILLING.* This could easily be the beginning of a new horror film franchise, where the person is drawn towards the cursed house, albeit the bad omens. I think the poem dwells on human psychology. In life, whenever we proceed to do something new there is always those hidden messages, people call it gut feeling, or as in the poem, the encrypted messages the innate surroundings provide. We tend to rationalize or come up with pseudo logical stances to justify our decisions, but deep down we know that what we do is our responsibility, and this might not be the best path for us, but we still silence that still voice of human conscience. A great read. Keep up the good work.
Peace✌

[Sarah Jane]

Thank you so much for your review!

[JR]

Houses are weird like that... they get a real feel to them. They seem to have personality, and I like the sense of that you put in here... both the possibility of safety, and the opposite. A house seems a null value at first, but then you get to start knowing it, and it can reveal itself. Nice piece, it really drew me in and kept me thinking.

[barleygirl]

This is one of the best extended metaphors I've read in 2020! I was taken in by the spooky feeling thru-out, wavering between wanting to love this house & wanting to run from it. I love how the house represents all the dumb choices we make, seeing full well that the house is haunted, but still trying to love a place for it's newness, for it's charm, for whatever superficial attributes we can come up with to cover up the deep flaws so palpable if we let ourselves feel it. This poem is iconic of so many ways life fools us! Brilliant concept & banging execution! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Sarah Jane]

Wow, thank you so much! I love that there are so many ways poetry can be read and interpreted. Your review made me read it once more using your viewpoint and I like that versatility that writing has. Thanks again!

[barleygirl]

I don't think very deeply when I write, I'm just having fun moving words around. So, when I post my stuff here, the astute writers startle me with the things they see in my words!

[Sarah Jane]

I feel the same. I write my poetry so quickly and with more emotion than thought so when writers review and pick my work apart, I feel amazed.