Karen

I feel
Alone
out of place
Like I don't belong anywhere on this whole earth
Perhaps the galaxy.
Maybe my home is far off
in the warp holes of the universe
where people are yellow because their so happy
And they only harvest dandelions and chamomile.
Perhaps somewhere else in this world, there are
People just like me
Alone
Out of place
only they have found where they belong
With a contraband of other misfits
And I just missed the march.

I feel
Afraid
terrified
Of not knowing
and of knowing too much
Im afraid of being myself because
Who I am is unusual to the natural
Human species.
Perhaps there are other creatures about
Hiding and cowering because of their fears
My fears
Their like me, you know
Which makes it okay

I feel
Outof this world
As if there was another world
Lying perfectly parrall to this one
Only people dont hit their children
And drugs arnt addictive
A happy world, where people sing
without the fear of sounding awful
A place where people dance for no reason
Because their just that happy.
Id like to go there one day
Visit a place like that
And Id take pictures
For the critics

I feel
numb
empty
As if there is a hole in my chest
devouring any type of emotion
that I may have
I do not wish it to devour my feelings
But it does
This particular hole is a vicious one
With snarling teeth sharp as needles
but allowing me to feel the urge
to cry
but withholding the ability to do so
This hole, I call her Amy
Shes mean and hateful and looks at the world
As if it were as dark as her shadows

I feel
hopeful
faithful
That perhaps someday Illbe happy
or stumble into that other world
Or the galaxy with the yellow beings
Im hopeful for no reason anymore
Hoping just to hope because anything else
Is just depressing
So I seek the silver linings
And I spot the brighter sides
And hope that there are more where they live
More linings and sides just waiting
To be discovered

I feel
frustrated
Irritated
With my desires and my needs
Sleeping alone is hard one someone
When all theyve known for months
Is another being next to them
It must be even harder when death
Comes to play
Because at least I know my being is alive
and not in some eternal nothingness
But I still shed a tear or two
As I climb into bed
and call out a goodnight to
Nobody at all

I feel
like dying
just for a moment
to see what is over there
to see why suicide is so appealing to me
I bet its nothing better than this
In fact it would be worse
With death all you get is death
but with life you get all these emotions
That you cant sort out
And thats okay
Because at lease some of them are good.

I feel
At peace
With the idea that I will live to be old
Or die doing something amazing
I am okay with knowing somethings will
be forever unknown
And understanding that
There really is no understanding here
Or in the other world
Or where the Yellow people dwell
We just live
Its our job
To live and to find love and beauty
In a world where its far and few between
But their there
In the silver linings
And brighter sides.

SarahJane