Dear Richard

This is just something short I wrote.. It is in the form of a letter.

Dear Richard,

 

                I'm writing to tell you how beautiful your daughter has become. Can you believe that she's already 10? Her teacher said she is the smartest in the class.  She acts just like you, well beyond her years.  She has started learning the piano in school, her music teacher said she shows potential beyond any student she has ever seen and would you believe she said she is not that interested in the piano. She said she likes playing but she wants to be a teacher. Her exact words were, "I want to teach other kids the beauty of learning and maybe they will stay out of trouble and see what I see.”

Since you've been gone I have had a hard time with a lot of things, mainly bills, food, rent. It's just so hard to work two jobs and try to be at all the things Rachel is involved in. She wants to do so many things and I don't blame her; if I was able to do the things she could when I was in the fourth grade I would want them to do them too.

Her teacher said she belongs in a private school where they can tend more to her needs and wishes than the school she is in now.  I know you haven't seen her in over two years. She is beautiful and has the potential to be anything she wants. I just can't give her what she needs right now, what she is capable of.  I feel so lost all the time.  I am always trying to piece together what went wrong and how.  My therapist says to give it time, but I am sinking deeper and deeper and I can feel it.

Rachel doesn't deserve the life I can give her.  She needs to be with her father.  I have decided that’s what I am going to let her do; be with her father.  I hope you're not upset; you were always the strong one.  I don't know what I am going to do, but I do know that I can't properly care for Rachel anymore and she needs her father. It's almost her bedtime now; she will be with you shortly. I think it is the best thing for all of us.

 

I still love you, take good care of her.

 

Amanda

 

 

 

 

Richard Morgan, 37, Born March 19th, 1971. A devoted worker and family man; Died in a car crash late last night. Leaving behind Amanda Morgan, his beloved wife and his 8 year old daughter Rachel Morgan.

Author's Note

This is nothing to be reviewed.. just something quick to post up as my first item, since I am new to Writers Cafe.

Reviews

[No one]

Hey man--
I apologize for the delay in finding and reading this piece. It has been quite some time since I logged onto the Cafe.
I think this would be more effective in narrative form. In letter form, more is told than shown. You could seriously show how the mother is dangerously close to the edge of insanity and what finally makes her slip over that precipice.
You could describe the day when she writes this letter, using the letter as the guide for the plot. Maybe she sits at the table examining a stack of bills and a negative balance in her checkbook. The kid comes in for breakfast, hungry and stomach growling, but there is only water to mix with the old cereal.
In order to kill a child, there must be some sinister motivation (usually of a psychotic nature) other than just not being able to handle the bills and everything. That could definitely contribute to the feeling of utter hopelessness, but despair would be the ultimate destructive force.
Maybe she hears voices? Maybe she herself hasn't eaten in a while.
Maybe she interacts with her husband in one of the final scenes. Or throughout the piece. Somehow work it in as a surprise that he is actually dead...Maybe the little boy enters the mother's room and steps through his father's ghost or something.
Anyway, I think this is cool as the skeleton of a story. There's definitely potential.
I look forward to reading more of your work, man.
Please take no offense to the way I have reviewed your piece. This is simply my way.
You have talent. Now you need the motivation and encouragement to proceed.

C-

[daftinklings]

i just Knew the guy was dead as soon as you wrote in the first line of the second paragraph. Man, crazy mama.