The Desert

Simple lipogram or univocalic about Iraq War

 

Treeless desert see me cry,

Bereft settlers redress try.

 

Where bested men gently fell,

Feel mercy bleed never well.

 

Secede the sentry rended,

Lest festers need be mended

 

Blessed be the feeble verse,

By the fettered decreed terse.

 

Deftly seed the recessed sky,

Wet the streets refect the dry.

Reviews

[Holly Mason]

the desert does not do your words justice...just sayin'*)
interesting pattern of thoughts I see...you are looking around where you were mending and redressing as you go
I hold this in a quiet place I really enjoyed your thoughts
hoping you write some more
thank you for sharing

[DL Shackleford]

This is about the people of Iraq as I witnessed the destruction during the war, but has become about much more...but all of it still relates to the war or as I often say the time I spent over in the desert.

[Riley Bray]

I've never been anywhere near a desert, but I find it simple to visualize. I'm still in youth and have yet for some of these words to reach my ears, (mostly due to the lack of knowledge of the English language by my so-called "peers"), so I had to look a decent amount of them up, very interesting word choice. Its probably a strange thing to suggest but maybe you could have a mini glossary in a small font at the bottom haha. (Though seriously...>_>). I think for the first line you should use the word the before the word treeless, although I understand that you are referring to the desert like you would a person, so its just a minor suggestion. Maybe make it a bit longer? Its perfectly finished and alright being this length but I would like to see what you can do with a longer poem. Good job! (And a good idea writing from your experiences, I think this outdoes the other poem because its something you can truly relate to, stay on this path!)

[DL Shackleford]

The unusual word choice is because this poem uses only one vowel..y doesn't count in this instance. Also main reason for the brevity, this was challenging for me. I will try a longer piece, but without wordplay. Thanks so much for the input.

[Riley Bray]

Sounds like a plan. :)

[Just Kim]

I enjoyed this intriguing piece.

[DL Shackleford]

Thank you.

[Beaner166]

Interesting