I celebrated my last birthday alone.Several of my last birthdays, actually.A few Christmases, and some Thanksgivings, too.No, no, no this isn’t some powder keg of
too-long-lidded emotion masquerading as a revelating cry of loneliness.Loneliness has its purpose.You find who you are in solitude.No, this is to celebrate the value of the
little things in life.I buy a single
slice of cake for myself, turn off the lights in my living room, spark a fire
on the single candle atop my cake, and smile. My chin reflects the small
radiant, red-orange glow of the candle and feels the near-absent but constant
emittance of its heat. It’s the silence that gets you sometimes, butit’s in those moments, those moments of
reflection, we can truly appreciate- a form materialized before me,stopping my mind from speaking.In that moment, with the air stilled, the air
conditioner shut off, the cacophony of the world outside hushed, she appeared.
She
sits across from me at the table. Her hair falls like liquid night over her
gray face, an ominous shroud it gives her.I see through the slits of her hair at her eyes, pupilless and devoid of
color, off-white like single pocked eggs. They stare straight ahead, without
intention, and holding every single one. Her lips, full and stormy gray, are
closed.She never speaks.A smock, frayed and dirty is all that houses
her body, so thin was she, I could the outline of her ribcage and shoulder
blades shift as she breathed.Her hands
rest upon her full belly, bloated with pregnancy, and gargantuan in proportion
to her thin wired frame.She sat hunched
forward, for on her back sat an enlarged bag made of drab leather, and tied
loose with string, its mass at the least double her size, two straps braced
over her shoulders for holding.
My heartbeat begins to drum upon the seeing of her, and I hear its
pounding rhythm echo in my ears as I keep staring.I try to turn away, but my eyes are cemented,
as if instinctively, as if the moment I look away is the moment my life will
cease.The curiosity of their mysteries
leaves a nauseating iron taste in my mouth, sickening me.As I keep staring my fingers start to tremble
to the thick melody of trepidation permeating the room. A bead of sweat rolls down
my cheek, and as if seeing my fear eek out from me, the ghoul-woman grabs the
string of the sack and pulls, letting loose whatever dark contents exist within
the bag’s orifice.
I let out a compulsory gasp, a knife of fear piercing my back with inextricable
violence, leaving me paralyzed to my chair. From the abyssal hole I watch the
room gets penetrated with the formless emulsions of several shades.Transient, dark plumes of smokeless blurs,
each a different size than the other, yet all of the same shrouded
substance.The glow of the candle
wanes and flickers, losing life underneath my agape mouth, the air of my still
screams escaping outward from me.My
hands white-knuckle the chair arms, squeezing till my fingers, now blanched
with pressure, begin to burst, small capillaries slipping bits of blood from
the edges of my nailbeds.
The darkening things hover around the woman, in séance, as she tilts her
head backward.A splash hits the floor
underneath her, and my blood thickens in realization of her going into
labor.The reverberations of my
heartbeats screams ring as I watch the abomination of perverted birth take
place before me.One of the shadows
slips underneath her, and upon her final push, catches a slithering liquid
form.Nausea and the taste of bile tract
from stomach to the back of my throat, and the woman moves her head to look at
me, as the shadowed thing places the slimed protrusion in her arms.The woman looks to this ghastly mass, and smiles.She turns to me, and the shadows do as
well.The inebriation of truth thrusts
upon me at the sight of their now formed faces.The gray thing looks at me, cooing as it does so, with the same
revelation upon its visage as the rest.In the mute air I feel my soul crush under the vise of the truth
pervading in front of me.The woman, the
beings, the slick gray thing, they all had my face.My face, placed upon them.I feel the brand of the inevitable dread
knowledge that the faceswere where
they belonged.Where I belonged.
A rupture began to rise where my soul once rested, and I could not hold
back its voluptuous rapture upon the room.I laughed in acceptance, a laugh that echoed and struck in that dead
emptiness, that pierced at the bodiless terror and perverted light of
revelation.And in that dissonant
cavalcade I looked up, into the voidless nothing, and saw only that one word,
that word of resolute and full vacuity, the word of which was her name, and as
the candle consumed its remaining source of wick, I screamed it aloud:“Silence!” I screamed.“Silence! SILENCE!”
Been awhile since I've done horror, or rather, attempted. Tell me what you think, how you felt, what'd you change...if it's a piece of crap, I wanna know. If it's a diamond in the rough, tell me what to chip away so it'll shine. And above all, thanks for taking the time to read it. -DFalls
My Review
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I love the language in this story, the descriptions are very all very spooky and detailed. And you used several very uncommon words like "cacophony" "revelating" "inebriation". I don't believe I've ever actually seen revelating used. Or cacophony either. So it's nice to see these words make their way out of the closet.
My only issue with this story is that it strikes me a little overdone at points. Several of the phrases, while lovely and imaginative, strike me as a little forced.
"No, no, no this isn’t some powder keg of too-long-lidded emotion masquerading as a revelating cry of loneliness". I love that you used such obscure and very cool words here, but it does seem a little overdone.
"As I keep staring my fingers start to tremble to the thick melody of trepidation permeating the room". I see what your trying to do here, but " thick melody of trepidation" is a little hard to imagine. perhaps an air of trepidation, but a melody does'nt sound right to me.
"I let out a compulsory gasp, a knife of fear piercing my back with inextricable violence". this is fine, except for the use of "inextrecable". Its a good word, but your whole story has a very spooky and dark feel to it, and this word seems a little out of place. I had to stop and make sure I knew what it meant actually. But a different one I think would make your story a little smoother.
Overall, I do this story alot, I like that you tried to use great words, took a risk and used extremely original and imaginative language(perverted light is a VERY cool phrase, I liked that alot, and plenty others (:). But I think simplifying this a little would make it alot smoother, and scarier.
Bahut Darwanna (;
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Sweet blessings! Thanks so much for reading my story and for the review! I'll take your comments in.. read moreSweet blessings! Thanks so much for reading my story and for the review! I'll take your comments into consideration most definitely! :D
I love the language in this story, the descriptions are very all very spooky and detailed. And you used several very uncommon words like "cacophony" "revelating" "inebriation". I don't believe I've ever actually seen revelating used. Or cacophony either. So it's nice to see these words make their way out of the closet.
My only issue with this story is that it strikes me a little overdone at points. Several of the phrases, while lovely and imaginative, strike me as a little forced.
"No, no, no this isn’t some powder keg of too-long-lidded emotion masquerading as a revelating cry of loneliness". I love that you used such obscure and very cool words here, but it does seem a little overdone.
"As I keep staring my fingers start to tremble to the thick melody of trepidation permeating the room". I see what your trying to do here, but " thick melody of trepidation" is a little hard to imagine. perhaps an air of trepidation, but a melody does'nt sound right to me.
"I let out a compulsory gasp, a knife of fear piercing my back with inextricable violence". this is fine, except for the use of "inextrecable". Its a good word, but your whole story has a very spooky and dark feel to it, and this word seems a little out of place. I had to stop and make sure I knew what it meant actually. But a different one I think would make your story a little smoother.
Overall, I do this story alot, I like that you tried to use great words, took a risk and used extremely original and imaginative language(perverted light is a VERY cool phrase, I liked that alot, and plenty others (:). But I think simplifying this a little would make it alot smoother, and scarier.
Bahut Darwanna (;
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Sweet blessings! Thanks so much for reading my story and for the review! I'll take your comments in.. read moreSweet blessings! Thanks so much for reading my story and for the review! I'll take your comments into consideration most definitely! :D