It Rains Way Too Much In Miami

By: Naomi Oliver

It rains way too much in Miami. I mean, it rained in Autumn Valley, too, but at least we knew when it was coming. And at least it wasn’t every day. In Miami, you have to take an umbrella with you everywhere you go. It's insane. I sometimes wished there was no rain. Stupid wish, yeah, but at least my hair would stay dry.

 

We'd moved to Miami two days ago, and we hadn’t left the house since. We'd been so busy unpacking. All I'd eaten for the past couple days was turned orange juice and Fritos. Our super hadn’t turned on the hot water yet, so every morning I took a shower in ice cold water. I was afraid; one more day of that, and my balls would freeze off. We needed a change.

 

Finally, for the first time since the move, I had a little free time. I locked myself in my room and dialed my friend Dale's number. He was back in Autumn Valley, but it was only an hour drive, and he promised he'd visit plenty.

 

A knock on my door interrupted my dialing. I stood, and then answered it. My sister, Bobbi, stood behind. "What do you want, Bob?" I asked, less than interested. Bobbi and I didn’t always see eye to eye. And by that I mean I hate that b***h. We only spent time together when she needed to use my computer because she'd been grounded and lost permission to use hers.

 

And as if on cue, she said, "I need to use your computer."

 

To this day, I wonder why I always let her borrow it. It wasn’t as if she did anything for me. But, I complied; I stepped aside and let her in.

 

Bobbi took a seat at my computer desk and turned the machine on while I picked up my phone and continued dialing. The phone rang three times--I counted--before Dale finally picked up.

 

 "What up, Joe?" Dale sounded happy to hear from me. And I was happy to talk to him. Finally, human contact with someone other than my irritating sister and my neurotic parents.

 

 "Dude, I haven't talked to you in days! How's Autumn Valley doin' without me?"

 

 "Craig misses you." Dale said with a laugh.

 

 "Craig is a total f*g!" Craig was this nerd who'd follow me around back in Autumn Valley. Every day I would call him names in front of everyone, call him gay, but he never left me alone. He never caught the hint. Never having to see him again was the only thing good about leaving Autumn Valley.

 

"You shouldn’t say f*g, Joe." Bobbi told me, not even looking up from my computer. "It's offensive to gay people."

 

 "Screw gay people." I said, barely paying her any mind. "If they don’t want to get their feelings hurt, they should quit acting like girls and being so damn sensitive."

 

Bobbi rolled her eyes at me, as if I was the problem. She was there for one thing: to use my computer. No one asked for her opinion.

 

"Sorry, that was my sister." I told Dale. "I wish we'd left her back in Autumn Valley."

 

"Yeah, me too." Dale joked, purring like a kitten. I told him to shut it, and then asked him how Adonna was doing. Adonna was my girlfriend back in Autumn Valley. Wasn’t very smart. Or talented. Not very funny, either. But she had a rack of gold and I loved her for it.

 

“She got a new boyfriend.” Dale told me. I expected as much. Adonna and I never really had much to talk about, and I expected she’d find someone new as soon as I left. And I planned on snagging the hottest girl in Miami myself.

 

Dale and I talked for a whole other hour, joking about Craig, laughing about how he’s probably slobbering all over another poor sap. And how whoever Adonna’s new man is probably already got in her pants. Before hanging up, Dale repeated his promise, saying he would visit as soon as he was off punishment. I didn’t let him hear the excitement I felt, but told him it'd be cool.

 

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” Bobbi, who was still sitting at my computer desk, told me.

 

“What’d I do?” I didn’t really care to hear her answer but at least I might get a good laugh out of it.

 

“Talking about girls like that. And I still can’t believe you keep using that eff word.”

 

I snorted. “I thought the eff word was fu—”

 

“You know that kind of language is offensive.” She had barely taken her eyes off the computer, but she was glaring at it, as if it was the one throwing the word ‘f*g’ around.

 

“To who? Queers? Who cares?” My sister was way too preachy. She acted like I was saying the ‘n’ word or something. Nobody cares about gays. I didn’t see the problem.

 

“You know its jackasses like you who make people think everyone from California is stupid.”

 

I ignored her. Bobbi was always going on about gay rights and gay marriage and supporting the gay community. You’d think she was a queer herself. But, I knew, by the various guys sneaking out of her room in the middle of the night that she wasn’t.

 

--

 

Friday was our last day unpacking, and Bobbi and I left the house for the first time. We went to the mall. It wasn’t as far as I expected it to be, but it wasn’t close. It was a ten minute drive, and I had to listen to Bobbi’s crappy pop music the whole way there.

 

As soon as we arrived at the mall, I jumped out of her car. I didn’t want anyone to think I was with her. My mission for Miami was to find the hottest girl and make her my girlfriend. Standing around with my older sister wasn’t going to do me any good.

 

I somehow found myself in the book section. I was never much of a reader. As a matter of fact, the only thing I’d ever read was the subtitles on a French porno once when I was twelve. But, I figured I’d find a girl there. (It was the romance section.)

 

A small-ish girl in a pair of plaid knee-length shorts and a pink top with ruffles at the end approached me. She had light brown skin and black hair, and was wearing glasses. She was pretty, but clearly not the hottest girl in Miami, and that was a bit of a turn-off for me.

 

I kinda felt bad for the girl. Clearly she wanted me. Why else would she be looking at me like that? And smiling so cute. Her lips were soft, and kissable, I noticed. But, not the hottest lips in Miami. She had pretty long legs. But not the longest legs in Miami. And her dark eyes were gorgeous. But, not the most gorgeous eyes in Miami.

 

So, I would have to turn her down.

 

“Hi.” She said in a happy-go-lucky voice. “Um, you’re standing in front of a book I want.”

 

Ouch. My lips twitched into an uncomfortable smile and I stepped out of the way. She returned the smile and then reached for the book.

 

“A Marriage of Equals. Yeah, I read that one.”

 

“Really?” Her eyes seemed to light up.

 

“No.” I said apologetically. “Sorry.”

 

She giggled. So, I was funny. That was a plus. She might not be the hottest girl in Miami, but she was a girl and I’d made her laugh. “So, what have you read?”

 

“Sports magazines, mostly. Yeah, they’re actually pretty interesting. This one had me gripped for hours.”

 

I managed to drag another laugh out of the cute, sweet, yet still not hottest-girl-in-Miami girl. I turned to pull a book from the shelf, hoping I could make another joke, when I saw her. The hottest girl in Miami. She was wearing a short dress, all black, and a pair of combat boots. Not the best mix, but she pulled it off. She had shoulder lenth red hair, that curled from the roots, and bright green eyes. She was walking with a guy who I prayed wasn’t her boyfriend, and the two entered a Starbucks not far from the bookstore I was standing in.

 

I turned to the cute brown girl I was standing with and said, “I gotta book. My sister’s waiting for me.”

 

“Oh,” She nodded, “Okay, so see you around, then.”

 

Before I left, I asked, “What’s your name?”

 

She looked reluctant to tell me. “Uh… Jane.”

 

My brows furrowed. “Jane? That’s it?”

 

“What’s yours?”

 

“…Joe.”

 

Jane giggled once again. “Nice.”

 

I smiled at her one more time before turning to leave. I ran as casually as I could toward the Starbucks, hoping the girl hadnt left already. When I arrived, she was sitting by herself at a table. I assumed her male counterpart was using the facilities. I walked toward her table, and took the seat across from her. “Hey.”

 

“Uh, hello?” She looked confused. I admit, it was a tad abrupt for me to just come and sit beside her without any warning, but everything would make sense in a minute.

 

“Hey. I’m Joe.”

 

“Tyler,” She still looked at me as if I had just swallowed a piece of barbed wire. “Can I help you?”

 

“Yeah. I was just browsing around the mall. I’m new, and was kinda looking for someone to show me around.” I lay my hand down on the table beside hers and began stroking her index finger.

 

“Really?” Tyler pulled her hand away, and placed it under her chin. “’Cause I was kinda thinking you were coming on to me.”

 

“Really?” I mocked her. I was glad she was getting the picture. The sooner we got this over with, the better. “Maybe I was.”

 

“Well, that would be a bit of a wasted effort.” Tyler smiled.

 

“Oh, yeah.” I wasn’t about to let the hottest girl in Miami turn me down. I’d gotten Adonna, and I was about to get Tyler, too. “Why is that?”

 

She smiled at me, leaned in close and said, “I’m gay.”

Reviews

[Havatara]

Wow, it really pulled my right into the plot. I can't wait for the next chapter!