SIZZLE

 

His arms flexed

His breastplate tensed up

Veins popped out and disappeared

Sweat fell from his brow

He made faces a woman could lust for

As he pushed up and down

 

No more teasing that little wimp

Puny little joke of a man

Slinky, skinny, sorrowful dude

Laugh at the little person

Who got punked every minute on the hour

Couldn’t even save his girlfriend from rape

 

The thoughts increased his drive

I'm not so small now am I?

I'm not a little punk now am I?

IM NOT THE GUY TO TRY ANYMORE

He screamed out as he pushed up and down

Iron backing down to the man's power

 

CLANK

He sets his weights

Sat up and grabbed his towel

His body swollen, ripped, Masculine, and delectable

Especially to the woman spectators

Squeezing their thighs together drooling

 

 

 

Author's Note

YUMMY!!!

Reviews

[.]

here, he can be a man

[QuothCorvid]

You have told an interesting story of a person who felt like they were not enough and had to prove to them selves that they could change that. I like the way you changed the color of the font to switch back and forth from thoughts and the like to what was happening. Well written keep up the good work. I especially like the line "Puny little joke of a man
Slinky, skinny, sorrowful dude"

[Kenny L. Mitchell]

Your writing is so raw and passionate. You must have a volaco flowing through your veins! LOL! BEAUTIFUL & PASSIONATE my gifted sister!

[Mary]

what can i say that hasn't been said?... idk but really good, and a great write it was a story/poem and i liked it....keep it up:)

[David Lewis Paget]

I don't personally subscribe to the 'Iron Man' mystique. I've always preferred brains over brawn myself, so find it hard to understand women who do. All that huffing and puffing seems to me to be a waste. Regards the rape scenario, there are more ways to kill a cat...

[Senseless whatever]

Yummy is right. Good good poem. Good setting and a story to boot. You can feel the anger of the guy, and the lust of the observers. Nice!

[Glenn Davis]

Kinda reminds me of the Ren and Stimpy when Ren gets peck implants! Nice. Though there is no hope for this puny guy. I just carry a blunt object with me.

All kidding aside though, it is a very nice piece. i like how you gave some back story on why this guy was in the gym trying to "get his swole on"! Also good imagery. I thought it was going to be one of those girl fantasy erotic poems at first. After the first few lines i was already planning a review about not sending your sexy poems about muscly guys to a skinny guy like me! lol

[Constance-Outspoken]

I thoroughly love this, as is true with most of your work, because of its level of human understanding. You gave this "hot guy at the gym" a soul, a backstory, a life of his own in this piece. Well done, D. Nice write.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This is a great poem. You can never judge a book by it's cover. I understand this poem. There is something here that men can relate too. Some guys that were the last to grow into men will never be strong enough. Perhaps there is permanent self esteem damage. Sometimes we can lose sight of who we are inside by trying so hard to be someone else. I love this poem, but only hope this man doesn't lose the things that made him a good person...in the midst of separating himself from the things he felt made him weak. Not every guy goes through something as traumatic as watching his gf be attacked, but you painted an accurate portrait of the mind of some men.

[Millionth Muse]

I like the way that you make a "moment in time" have a backstory, like a sexy guy working out and the women drooling over him, except he's not just working out for vanity's sake, there is something behind his tenacity. Nicely done.

My only suggestions woudl be to weed through and take out the unnecessary little filler words so that the poem makes a stronger statement. Also, I would change the whole thing to present tense...so that what we are seeing is being done as we are reading it.

For instance:

Arms flexed,
Breastplate tensed,
Veins emerging and disappearing,
Sweat dripping from his brow,
making faces a woman could lust for
as he pushes up and down