Shrunken Bears

Sometimes, I lie to keep others happy.

My last bit of sanity reaches its breaking point
I put down my flute and bury my head between my denim clad knees
The class finishes playing
My teacher looks at me

Are you okay, Keira?
she asks me
I am most definitely not yet I cannot say so I merely grit my teeth and lie
Light-headed am I

I rest for a song
but the pounding of the gong,
the bear all but there, all but gone
wreaking havoc on my head, I feel that I ought to be dead

I wake form my painful stupor
my friend looks at me concerned,
I know her not for long nor well
but I feel that she means well so I give her a brave smile.

My ribs constrict
and I can hardly breathe
no one can know of this
I know this in every fibre of my being

I break that knowledge
partially although not wholly
I write an assignment yet it still doesn't say the whole
Even here there is more that could be told

Physical pain despite
no one there can hold me, calm me, love me or know me
not even my family know who I am
they know only who I seem to be

Every being of my body
every whisper in my soul
tells me 'this is not where you belong'
'this is very wrong'

I have lived in many a place
and still have I yet to find
that relief that comes from loving one

Despite how very young
a mere inkling of growth
my body and my soul
yearns for that touch, that smile, that whisper of it's kind

If only these were present
I may be able to bear
the pain of my mind, my head and my body
as my soul rips me in two

One here with you
and one across the sea or under the lake
in the place still unknown
with the one who will bring me relief

Before my time draws to an end
those words they shall whisper
those lips shall form my relief
and those tears will be forever in happiness, pain long forgotten

Yet the pain shall never go
but the longer I wait
the larger it grows
starting as soon as I knew my meaning of my life

Growing when I found my world wasn't true


My sister does not feel
nor do my family else
my friends are young and so naive
they don't know me yet

This kind of life for me
I need a sense of no normality
no  matter how normadic
I am not where I'm supposed to be

Author's Note

This is a true story!

Reviews

[Devesh]

This is very touching. Not many are brave enough to lay their emotions bare naked on the table for all to see. A true poet does just that, according to me, and you're already there. You have a very strong voice, and your words just draw the reader in. That, coupled with the fact this is something you( I assume) have gone through, makes this a truly good piece of poetry. Keep writing and sharing, you have a gift. :)

[ArchaicDreamer]

Thanks! It is something I experienced

[Devesh]

You're welcome :)

[Sourav]

One can really feel this emotional poem. Nicely written.

[ArchaicDreamer]

Thank you!