True love exists in moments stumbled upon by accident in hospitals, in airports, and underneath the stars gone before you realize it was there missed before you knew you had it. – Atticus
This reads like a movie scene, Cyprian.....the ending to a romantic comedy perhaps; grabbing the kiss before the slap hits first. You described the scene well and I enjoyed the biblical reference to Moses there; if only we had his skill to part the traffic on occasion! It's a very romantic poem and well written. I enjoyed it much.
The scene is set with lovely imagery and then you are no longer trying to cross the Red sea but captivated by her smile and so the story continues ......
What made it worthwhile for me was the ultimately identifiable feeling it creates because you have set the scene so perfectly. There are those moments that should live on, just like this one does. Great writing!!
This poem is beautiful about a very intimate moment in time. The setting, the atmosphere - described beautifully in very few words.
I especially like the last stanza of the poem- particularly the lines:
"Like a vortex, it draws me to your lips
Not just my eyes but even my lips"
The reason I love this is because of the repetition of 'lips' which in the context of the poem to me stands out as perhaps the mind of the poet racing in a moment that is otherwise out of focus and out of time. I find that so human and beautiful.
The time and place is everything.. even when unexpected. Plus, there's something about rain.. the way it pitter patters the skin and sets off signals that perhaps aren't quite.. yet.. recognised! You've created a gentle rhythm, - a slow build up.. and then that moment when touch became a nudge and.. Yumcious, start to finish, that is what reading made worthwhile.
"What made reading this worthwhile for you personally?"
It's like a dream sequence...or a daydream sequence that was just as unanticipated as that kiss.
I like the mood created by details about the time of day, the weather, the traffic, the giggling couple.
It feels nice to "view" the "mental movie" as one reads it. :)
I think the kiss was in the speaker's mind long before it occurred, if only half consciously. Then the ambience of the city, the mutual enjoyment and the closeness of the moment all conspired to make it happen. Very glad there was no slap; it would have totally ruined the mood.
If you're not into reading but love movies, here's why you should give my poems a read:
I've been told many times that my writing is cinematic. I love movies and video games and I really aspire t.. more..