Oh My Knight - A Goddess Standing Beside A Princess

Pushed down by a beautiful goddess, helped up by a powerful knight with a game plan.

After a night to remember, 
I wake up in my bed under a sheet of sunlight, 
In a city like the lost Atlantis. 

My thoughts of last night are a blur,
I vaguely remember a party,
And two voices among whispers. 
"A goddess, 
A goddess, standing beside a princess." 
The only ones standing outside of costumes, 
In a room full of knights, 
Stuffed with masculine jewels. 

I walked to her with a mask-less face. 
With dry lips, I said, "Hi."  
But I got pushed away by her rolling eyes. 
The floor was like the sky,
I kept falling, waiting to hit the ground and die. 

At the feet of knights, I rose once again,  
At that, a knight slithered past,
Leaving his sword in my hand. 
Not knowing what to do,
I drew upon my imagination*. 
I defeated the goddess and avenged my soul. 

Later that night the goddess’ body was found, 
Beside the sword, I allegedly stole. 
Word broke out and a rumor roamed, 
Onto the streets, under the gloom. 

Then the sunlight touched my face. 
Opening my eyes I see it’s a new day.
The world is bright andI'lll walk 
Through this maze of city buildings,
Wearing a smile on my face,   
To show my sanity… after that revolution.

1/22/2016      

Pen name: Cyprian Van Dyke 

Author's Note

Footnote: If you imagined you did something, did you really do it?
This is just a hint to understanding my story here.

I'm interested in knowing what kind of writer I am.
What made reading it worthwhile?

Reviews

[Sweet]

My love for fantasy drew me into this poem, that reads to me like a beautiful story.
I find the story it tells very interesting and intriguing, it left me pondering and seeking for the meaning behind this dream.
I'm still wondering, why did he kill her? Was it to because she rejected him and his pride/ego was hurt? What about the princess? Did he kill the Goddess so he can be with the princess? My brain just runs wild with so many questions XD
Thank you for sharing this poem, I really enjoyed it, it was very entertaining ^_^

And to reply to your author's note. I don't think I can really define what kind of writer you are, but from the stories you wrote, I see your style as fiction/fantasy, which I love. You have an overflowing imagination that gifts you with awesome stories, I hope you keep writing more of them =D

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Thank you for your review!
Yes, that is why. No he had not interest in the princess.
Thank you for answering my question in the authors note. It's a help to me.

[Sweet]

Your welcome ^_^ Ah ok, makes sense, thx for answering my questions, but then it stills makes me wonder what happened to the princess then XD (I know... I think too much about small things lol)

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Now that you said, "small things," let me ask you a question.
What if i told you that he didn't kill the goddess, but that he was willfully framed? Which is true and true i didn't say that and i understand why my readers would not come to that conclusion. I', sure it's not the first time a writer was blinded into thinking he was writing something he was merely thinking. Every time i re-read i followed the characters a different way.

[Sweet]

O_O wow, brain running wild even more now XD
When I first read this poem, I was wondering why the knight gave him the sword... Then I thought, well maybe he just dropped it on accident... Nah, a knight wouldn't be that dumb/clumsy... maybe he wanted to help the guy seek revenge.... hmmm, maybe...?

*I read it once again. grasped a few details*
"At that a knight slithered past, Leaving his sword in my hand... I drew upon my imagination.
I defeated the goddess and freed my soul. ... Beside the sword i allegedly stole."

Now that you mention it and I put all the pieces together, the idea of him being framed seems so clear, it makes complete sense.
Why the knight killed the Goddess is a mystery, but he was cunning enough to frame someone else. (Maybe the princess paid the knight so he kills the Goddess so she could reign in her stead. Or the Goddess was a tyrant and the knights wanted to get rid of her... I'll stop here with my random thoughts lol)
Thanks for this new perspective, it made me love the poem even more ^_^

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Lol, no a knight wouldn't be so dumb i suppose. I like the way you said it.
Yes, you got it! The knights wanted to get rid of her. The last line said, "revolution."
The goddess rejected the man so cruelly that it made the knight realize a revolution was necessary. But the night gave him the credit by cleverly framing him.
You cracked the case! Thank you for your comment. It was thrilling to read! Thank you for putting the effort in understanding it!!!! HUGS

[Sweet]

Yay !!! I solved the case. "Every puzzle has an answer!" lol, np. It was fun for me. I always like to understand things, and when a problem is not solved it can bug me a lot XD
If you add mystery in your future stories, I'd delight myself in trying to solve them too ^_^
But mystery or not, your stories have been great so far. *hugs*

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Okay, thank you. I'm always trying to progress with wisdom.
Thank you for the compliment. Your writing has been remarkable too by the way!

[Sweet]

That's great ^_^ keep up the good work! I'll keep trying my best, thx.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Thank you! And you're most welcome!

[Train]

Not the wonder I hope to be but leaving me like that I hope you understood that breaking my heart wasn't it for greater purpose or memory but the greater self I was prepared to become for you.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Thank you, Train!

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Cyprian van Dyke,
This is a fairy tale. It holds the dream like quality of a lesson within itself. Speaking of dreams it seems that inner imagination is written out as if it is being lived. Above note; you are able to write all your life and change as you see fit.
beautifully done.
Blessings,
Kathy

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Thank you, Kathy Van Kurin!

[Silmara McGarry]

I must say, I was so into it, very entertaining! It is a poem with a wonderful epic fantasy story in a dream.< I walked to her with a mask-less face> Maybe he really needed to defeat the Goddess to avenge its soul and yet, he did not kill the princess, wish left me thinking what did she really meant.

Well, you did it in your mind, or you could have done it in a dream.
What made it reading worthwhile, is that in one way or another many people can relate to it.
So great :-) I really liked!

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Thank you for the thoughtful review! "One way or the other" could be the theme of this poem lol. Which is one of the things I like about it too, that everyone puts together their own pieces of knowledge in order to understand what it's all about or what happened. Agan thank you very! :)

[Silmara McGarry]

Yes, it could...lol. So true, the different thinking of the minds...You are most welcome :-)

[Brianna Brie]

It seems to me that you already found your voice. As a writer you have the ability to pull your audience into the story and for just a brief moment make them forget about their own troubled lives. Strangely, I took the drawing of the sword as a sort of metaphor. He did not really kill the goddess, but rather managed to to be the one that walked away with his own heart intact while leaving her in emotional ruins. Must be the love cynic in me. Enjoyed partaking of your imagination.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Thank you for your review! :)
You're right about the sword.
Lol, I'm a bit cynic about love as well. Thank you again! :)

[Alice Poésy]

You know, one of the best things about writing is escapism, and here I feel like I just walked into a fantastic world full of my magic and glory. Where better place to go is there than a magical world like this? Needless to say: I loved your tale-like poem! It was a wonderful place to visit :).

"If you imagined you did something, did you really do it?" The king of all questions. I like to think our imaginations have life in a world of their own. After all, when we write about them, they do have a life of their own, don't they?

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Yes, there's no place like our own imagination, be it in thoughts or dreams. Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked visiting my world.

Yes, it does have a life of their own. That's what makes it so amazing. Escapism would be enough for me, but the fact that I can feel as much there in my imagination has I am in the world when I'm awake, puts it off the charts. Thank you again for commenting!

[Alice Po&eacute;sy]

Indeed we can. They're as tangible as our day to day lives. Scratch that; sometimes more tangible.read moreIndeed we can. They're as tangible as our day to day lives. Scratch that; sometimes more tangible.

The pleasure is all mine!

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Exactly, sometimes it seems it's more real. How is that possible? I wonder!!!!! lol

[Miss Sharon]

Bravissimo! (If you imagined you did something, did you really do it?) Would you believe I've actully thought this same thing? I've been mulling that over and over in my mind...only to find the answer neatly hidden beneath the lines of this fantastic poem you've written! Amazing....the power of the written word. ~Sharon

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

I'm glad my poem could be of help. It's interesting that someone else thinks about this too. Thank you, I'm glad you like my poem! :)

[Richard🖌]

Cyprian,
I am not a writer, but a composer and teacher of poetry, and as such I recognize this work as a short story of fantasy, rather than a poem in Free Verse, despite the line-breaks and separations into verses. I truly am not qualified to critique or review stories, but in as much that I have already begun, I will continue it through; but, bear in mind that whatever I say is as a poet, and not as a writer, and give it that which you consider its deserved due.

Here is how I perceive it:
After a night to remember, I wake up in my bed under a sheet of sunlight in a city, like the lost Atlantis. 
My thoughts of last night are a blur; I vaguely remember a party and two voices among whispers. 
A goddess! A goddess, standing beside a princess, the only ones standing outside of costumes, in a room full of knights stuffed with masculine jewels. 
I walked to her with a mask-less face, and with dry lips I said, "Hi!” but got pushed away by her rolling eyes … the floor was like the sky; I kept falling, waiting to hit the ground and die.
At the feet of knights, I rose once again. At that, a knight slithered past, leaving his sword in my hand. Not knowing what to do, I drew upon my imagination, defeated the goddess, and freed my soul. 
Later that night, the goddess’ body was found beside the sword I allegedly stole. Under the gloom, word broke out and a rumor roamed onto the streets.
Then, sunlight touched my face … opening my eyes, I see it’s a new day. The world is bright, and I’ll walk through this maze of city buildings, wearing only a smile on my face, to show my sanity … after that revolution.

In its reading, the story lacks in continuity, direction of intent, and plausible meaning.
For instance:
1. You say the night was a blur; yet, you proceed to express (in detail) the entirety of events without any explanation how you're doing it, unless your line beginning, "A goddess! A goddess!" is a quote from whispered voices. Then, it would make more sense; still, nothing directs us there, nor anything afterward continues it.
2. This is confusing: "and freed my soul." No where before this was it mentioned your soul was captured.
3. In the final paragraph it appears the main character of this tale again express he awoke to sunlight touching his face, brought back to the reality of big city, wearing "only a smile" on his face (is he naked?), and that it shows his sanity, I assume, as compared to the insanity of his dream.

Well, now you can see why I'm not qualified to review and critique stories … LOL!
It is my honest perception that this could easily be made into a virtual masterpiece of of a fantasy tale, if some of the issues presented are addressed, or it could even be made into a very interesting poem, but it will need poetic expression, wording, and flow to make it so.
I certainly believe you have suitable imagination and talent to do either, or both!
My favortite line:
"I said, "Hi!” but got pushed away by her rolling eyes … the floor was like the sky; I kept falling, waiting to hit the ground and die."

Thank you gratefully for sharing.
It was my pleasure to serve you as best I can, My Friend! ⁓ Richard

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Thank you very much for the generous comment, Richard! :)

I understand why it doesn't make sense lol. When I said it was a blur, I was also showing how it was all coming back to me, like recalling a dream, all to when I wake up under a sheet of sunlight.
The freed my soul part referred to me avenging my rejected soul on the goddess that rejected me.
Lol, sometimes I over think things. I didn't mean naked, I just meant a smile. When I said "only" I meant I was free of a blame or guilt and had nothing but a flower. How would the reader get that? I know lol.

Thank you very much again, Richard, it really means a lot! :)

[Richard&#128396;]

While it is good to receive your explanations after the fact, Cyprian, it is the content of your poem that should make all of it clear.
If you don't address those aspects of critique, this piece will not improve, and we both know that most everything we write is always "a work in progress", eh?

This potentially excellent piece needs work, My Friend, and that is the best way you can thank me for my "generous comments" … is this not one of the most important reasons you're here and why you share?

Thanks for the privilege of review and offering honest and constructive critique! ⁓ RJ

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

You're so right. I just edited. Thank you again for your help. *Hugs*

[M. L. F.]

Hmmm.... As soon as I get the time to really devote a long review, which I like doing, I would like to read your stories. From reading this poem, you seem more fiction than poetry to me, if that makes sense. This is a cool narrative poem. I really enjoyed the little twist and mystery you gave the reader with this part:


Later that night the goddess’ body was found,
Beside the sword i allegedly stole.
Word broke out and a rumor roamed,
Onto the streets, under the gloom.

Thanks for sharing your work with us...
..Misty

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Thank you Misty for your review. I love your name by the way. I am very fiction lol. So as i think so i am! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the twist. That shows me that i introduced it well.

- Cyprian

[M. L. F.]

Wow.. Thank you, and that was very creepy, incidentally. I have a favorite saying, I think it actually is part of a bible verse, I say it all the time to people. "So as a man thinketh, he is"..... Great motto! ;) Nice to meet you Cyprian.
..Misty

[M. L. F.]

By the way, I just noticed your last name.. by any chance are you Dutch?

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Prov 23:7.
No i'm not Dutch. CVD is not my real name.
Not everyone has as beautiful of a name as yours. :)

[M. L. F.]

Thank you.. You know the verse.... Either you have wonderful search tools or I have a reason to be impressed. Figures, I love Proverbs... Psalms too. :)

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Lol, i know the verse, yes!

[M. L. F.]

Nice. That is rare. :)

[PoeticSorcery]

a fun idea for a poem that also has a good hint of seriousness to it.

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Thank you very much! That's what i thought too!

[PoeticSorcery]

it always feels good to get your idea's across

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

You're so right!