ITS MY LIFE, MY DEATH SORROW IS SELFISH

Poisonous clouds of youth hover strangling  my lungs
a smoke ring dances and lingers
waltzing with a memory
my mother choking, 
abnormal cells breeding
sucking life out of her.
White coats posturing 
a rat in a lab with my moms face.
Go run against a wheel going nowhere.

A melodey haunts me....
Bury me with a cigarette.
Bury me with a cigarette.
I regret I didn't. 
I was to young.
Someone should bury me with one.
I didn't understand.
My dad objected.
Death is for the living.

A used car salesman with an MD
DOOR TO DOOR,
Everyone comes knocking on theirs.
Seeking eternal life.
You need to  live, 
You were born to die.
They sell an illusion.

I AM NOT
going to be a woman in a wheelchair
with a vortex slowly sucking my life out of me
waiting for some damn fool to visit me.  
I will eliminate the vortex or me.