When It Disappears

A sad tale.

I used to sit by a tower everyday for every hour,

The warm stone against my back, hidden in the comforting black.

Even amidst the bustling crowd, we were in a private cloud;

With my back on its wall I could weather anything at all.

 

Then, in the sudden dawn, it was gone.

 

With it undone I was left alone in the sun,

Groping blind for a hand-hold, and finding only the cold.

Amidst my plight, all my faults came searingly to light,

Piling on me like marble ashes with each of the sun's flashes.

Blind and beaten I was lost, knowing exactly what my freedom cost.

 

And I stumbled to the land where it used to stand,

Where there used to be a crowd, but now none are allowed.

In the center the tower is just a jumbled, broken mess.

Sobbing, I touched the cold marble with a longing caress,

Yearning to know the reason for this devastating treason.

 

A sad sigh was all that could be heard,

Telling me I should have known what had occurred.

Didn't I notice the support buckling,

the windows breaking,

the marble cracking,

the facade crumbling--

the tower destroyed from the inside out?

 

To the base my eyes were drawn,

Just to see all the supports were gone.

 

And the tower said, with a voice of lead,

That he had taken them away, to someplace gray,

Where it was colder and brighter,

Unable to be saved no matter how I slaved.

 

But I needed the tower to protect me from the sun's power

so I would try everyday to put back the display

of the beautiful tower I once knew, to make it anew.

Each of the stones weigh down on my bones

and each atom is the weight of my worthless fate,

As if I should have known I would always be alone.

 

Now my features resemble the shriveled creatures

that scurry underfoot, covered with soot.

Crumbled by my lack of power and stained with ash,

Every day and every hour reliving the crash;

Burnt to a crisp from the searing heat,

Trying to ignore my obvious defeat.

 

--I think maybe

if I go below

to the colder, brighter, emptier place

I could take it back.

Take back time,

Take back what's mine.

Author's Note

Thoughts? I'm still working on this, so any constructive criticism is quite welcome.

Reviews

[Mr Dennis Paquin]

Though I can not say for certain the source of this event. I find it reflects a child who left home, thinking she could stand alone, only to find that not the case, but the sands of time have shifted and what once was her support and protection is no longer there..

The marble gives the impression of a head stone. whether this is even close to the truth does not matter.. For it is a poem with tremendous symbolism that I very much enjoyed.

For a critique,.. The poem has much insight to offer, so in my opinion, I think it would be better written as prose rather than a free form rhymer. Which in this case, gives it a childish tone, unsuported by the seriousness of the subject. Yet better left as is than left unread.

[Moonbug]

I really love the rhyming in the poem, both on the ends of the lines and inside them. It has a great flow to it that sounds almost like storytelling. Great job!

[Last Lying Look]

This was amazing. I loved it.
My favorite line was:
"Blind and beaten I was lost, knowing exactly what my freedom cost."
That line was pure perfection.
Excellent poem.

-Elissa :)