Into The Lonliness

Talking To The Moon - Bruno Mars

   The sky was screaming with variant angry colors. The rays of sunlight were plundering the meaningless clouds that floated by. The clouds were at fault too. They glided their puffy selves in a vulturine manner above the sacred grounds of the park. Shadows were sent as spies to the idle grounds; creeping through every corner and slithering through the patchy grass as they worked.
   Then I appeared, my young self, disturbing the diligent silence with fluctuating steps and those of my shaggy companion. I cared not for the shadows or the clouds looming above with interest. I had come to engage with an old friend and had brought a new one. The new one I shall call Ouch. That is the name it offered pleadingly when I found her under the car the week before. Its ears were tucked under her minuscule head and her beady eyes begged me to come forth and feed her. I reached out for her shaggy body and brought her closer to me. Her body fur bled charcoal but her paws wore caramel boots. I hid her inside my shirt and took her inside to eat. We became inseparable. I thought.
   Ouch and I came to reunite ourselves with our mechanical friend, Mary. See, Mary was the park’s merry �" go �" round. I was a fan. She was a fan. She’d run beside me, her trifle legs extending to their potential, then I’d pick her up and we’d jump onto the spinning hazard. She loved the sketchy wind in her face as her tongue lazily hung from under her whiskers. We’d stay for hours until the moon hurried us home. At times, we’d just sit and talk as the air slowly spun us from a distance. I wasn’t confined to the companionship of my own mind with Ouch. No more imaginary friends, no more loneliness. No more of that when she entered my life.
   That day when the sky screamed and the clouds were vigilant is when the world roared into my briefly lived life and laughed. Cruel and unearthly it rang, viciously. We came to interrupt the empty schemes of the surroundings that day. We invited noise as a companion to the silence as well. Ouch stumbling through the sand and I, tripping over greedy rocks. We reached our friend and Ouch was the first to greet Mary with her name. I then said hello to Mary and asked if she had missed us. Surely she had, I remember thinking.
   We wasted no time spinning the wheels of our fate. I spun with all my childlike force and Ouch ran chasing Mary. I then jumped on the spinning surface and held on as my little beating heart pounded rapidly.
“OUCH!” I yelled, “WATCH THIS!” She stopped chasing Mary and sat on the sand to watch me.
“WATCH!!!” I yelled once more to make sure her eyes were on me. I then proceeded to jump off the merry �" go �" round but something happened. When I jumped off, I jumped too far and fell face first on the gravel road. I had scrapped my chin, palms and knees. I sat up just as Ouch came running towards me to lick my wounds. Blood trickled down my sandy legs as I wiped it away with my tiny hands. I looked at Ouch and she looked at me and we decided another jump was in order.
   So off to Mary we ran. I spun, Ouch chased, I picked her up and we jumped together. For that moment we were free. We were flying high like caged birds that had escaped. The wind couldn’t stop our fun and laughter. Her shaggy fur scattered across her face. Her pendulous tongue flew back towards her ears. It felt like time departed and there was no such thing as minutes or hours. It was just my pup and I shattering all of the wind’s glory.
   After our triumphant moment, Mary began to slow down. I held on to Ouch and asked if she was ready to jump. She agreed. So I jumped. But this jump failed me. I landed, but as I landed I no longer had her. I heard a shrilling yelp behind me as I caught my trembling balance. I looked back and what I saw dropped my little racing heart to the sand. It was Ouch lying motionless next to Mary. 
   See, what had happened was this. When I jumped off, her leash had caught on the handle of the ride. This swung her violently out of my arms snapping her neck. As the ride slowed down, she was dragged across the sand. I ran to her side and pushed down on her lungs. Her beady eyes were no longer eager for play. Her tongue was immobile under her nose. Her body was twisted against the grainy surface. She was taken away without warning. Tears filled my eyes as the clouds above me gathered to see the new excitement. The wind whispered tragedies to the shadows. And silence had defeated the noise we had encouraged.
   I knelt next to her tiny body and stroked every strand of fur. I rubbed her belly gently. It was her favorite thing in the world; to lay on her back with me and watch the cruel sky float by. But she was gone now, and I was once more alone. I realized she wasn’t coming back. I could see her in mind, running towards me with her caramel boots and a smile on her face. But she wasn’t coming, she was lying there breathless.
   I looked at Mary with a face full of tears. It was just her and I now. No more Ouch, just a painful memory. I picked her body up and dug up sand under Mary. I dug and I dug and I dug until a hole, deep enough for Ouch, was dug. I placed her inside the hole and stared blankly into her eyes. Time must have had pity on me. I don’t recall how long I knelt there crying but the silvery moon had embraced me with its calming light. I took off her leash and gently placed the sand back in the hole. At least I knew that Mary would keep her safe when I couldn’t.
   I wrote in the sand with my stubby childlike finger. I stood up and said farewell to Ouch once more. Then I walked away leaving behind 4 words and a number in the sand:
Happy 5th Birthday To Me...