Session 5 - Family

Short Stories To Keep My Sanity...

Several Stories to keep my sanity.

Type: Unknown.


Family…


Doc. Johanessan: Ok, Skid. So your parents are going through a rough time at the moment. My question is, how do you feel about the situation?


Hernandez: Personally, that’s their deal. They are better off apart than they are together. Like I told them both, I have decided to remain neutral in the situation. They come to me with their problems and get mad if I don’t take interests. It’s almost like they are pleading me to take sides. They make each other seem the other is the worst person alive. Dad talks about Mum’s flaws, Mum almost trashes my Dad’s image. Bleh, for all I care.


Doc. Johanessan: You don’t care about your parents splitting? Do you even have the slightest sense of guilt in that area?


Hernandez: No, I don’t care. They can split. I know they are my parents and they brought me into this world and all that crapola, but I really don’t care. As for the guilt part, why should I feel guilty if they are the ones causing the harm to one another. Even worse, they bring their kids into the mess. I myself don’t really give if they bring me into it. I’m used to it. The accusations, the screaming, the yelling. I could just dismiss it and move on. My brother and sister, though are greatly affected. I’m kind of worried about them. My brother is learning to mature on the area and from what I’ve seen he’s come a long way in such a short time. My little sister on the other hand is being brain-fed by my Mum, indirectly. She takes great offense in the slightest of insults directed to her. She makes me angry.


Doc. Johanessan: Tell me about your sister. How does she make you angry?


Hernandez: Well, she’s always shoving stuff in my face.


Doc. Johanessan: Stuff? Like what kind of stuff?


Hernandez: Stuff, like… me being lazy.


Doc. Johanessan: How does that make you feel? What else does she do to angry you?


Hernandez: That makes me feel… ehh, I don’t really care if she calls me lazy. I know I am. We get in huge arguments though, her and I. It’s all over stupid things like the internet, or picking her things up from the living room, or her being lazy too. I try to help my Mum out by telling my sister to pick up after herself (because most of the mess is done by her)but my Mum would just tell me to leave her alone and stop making her angry. She was going through this everyone-hates-me-I’m alone-in-this-world-I’m going-to-kill-myself phase that was just absurd. I mean, I was depressed but suicidal? That’s just plains retarded. She’d pull out knifes and threatened to stab me just because I disconnected her from the internet. She ran away a couple of times. Mum made me go and get her. Made me look like the bad guy because I’d force her to come back inside. Battling her was like battling a baby bear. Man, she’s big…and heavy. Almost as tall as me, weights more then I do (shakes head). Yeah. I think she’s the one who needs the therapy, not I.


Doc. Johanessan: And how do you think your sister would cope with the idea of therapy?


Hernandez: I don’t know. She needs it badly though. At least I can control my repulsion. She can’t. She bursts at the smallest insult. She’s about the only person who can anger me. Usually I get a bit up raged but it passes, you know, just little insignificant arguments here and there. But her…oh man she makes me angry for days. It’s an anger that I have never felt before with anyone else.


Doc. Johanessan: Describe to me this anger that you feel.


Hernandez: Well, it’s more of an upper dimension or a trance; more like a trance. Like if she is dropping drops of fuel into the weak fire until it grows wildly. After so much, I go into a state of darkness. I don’t know what happens. It feels like If I myself am in another place yet my body is back at home. Everything slows down and becomes blurry, and that’s when I enter this trance. I’m there for what seems like hours until finally I open my eyes and find that I hurt my sister. Mum is screaming at me so I just stay quiet and run to my room. I feel a hot rush elevate from my feet to my head. It’s kind of like if the anger is liquid. It over-fills inside me and I must let it out. That’s when I cut myself. The blood that runs out is the anger leaving my body.


Doc. Johanessan: Is there other reasons why you would cut yourself? Have you tried anything else beside cutting, something sane and healthy like maybe punch a pillow, bang on drums, listen to smoothing music, maybe boxing? Have you tried any of those exercises to release your anger?


Hernandez: Yes I have and they are not effective. Anger is like hot lava building up inside me. Makes me uncomfortable and rather uneasy. Punching, banging, listening to music will not release the “lava”. It releases the tension but it’s still going to be there flowing through my veins. Yeah it might cool a bit but it’s still there and someone will ought to heat it back up and boom. I explode. Therefore I must let it out. I’m a pretty calm person most of the time.


Doc. Johanessan: Do you get angry by any other thing? Like perhaps someone hurt you emotionally or…


Hernandez: Not really.


Doc. Johanessan: Tell me about your brother, how do you feel about him?


Hernandez: My brother?


Doc. Johanessan: Yes, him. How does he make you feel?


Hernandez: My brother is good. He’s a great person.


Doc. Johanessan: Ok, so tell me about him.


Hernandez: I did.


Doc. Johanessan: No, I mean in detail, like you told me about your sister.


Hernandez: Oh, well, there isn’t much to my brother. He’s a very discrete person. Keeps to himself.


Doc. Johanessan: Does he make you angry or happy?


Hernandez: No.


Doc. Johanessan: No?


Hernandez: Yes


Doc. Johanessan: No and yes?


Hernandez: Exactly.


Doc. Johanessan: Skid, you’re not making sense here. Cooperate with me. Answer my questions.


Hernandez: I am.


Doc. Johanessan: How is no and a contradicting yes answering my questions?


Hernandez: Well, you asked me if he made me angry or happy, I responded no. I believe you verified my answer by repeating it and I answered yes. No is what I responded. Then you asked me no and yes? And I answered back exactly. Those are my answers in order. No, and yes.


Doc. Johanessan: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?


Hernandez: Yes, I do.


Doc Johanessan: Well, replay in your head what you just told me.


Hernandez: (thinks) Ok, yes, I do. There, replayed.


Doc Johanessan: No, I mean when you told me about your answering and responding.


Hernandez: Answering? Like, what I am doing right now? Do you want me to replay every word that comes out of my mouth?


Doc Johanessan: No, just what you told me before.


Hernandez: Answering? Like, what I am doing right now? Do you want me to replay every word that comes out of my mouth?

There, replayed.


Doc. Johanessan: No, Skid. Cooperate with me please.


Hernandez: I am. I’m replaying what you told me to replay.


Doc. Johanessan: That is not what I told you to replay.


Hernandez: Yes it is, maybe you should be more specific to what you want from me because at the moment I am doing what I understand you are telling me.


Doc. Johanessan: Skid, don’t get frustrated. It’s ok. Comprehension is a difficult concept to acquire. You have to read body language well in order to capture what the person is thinking and is trying to send to you. The way you receive it can be totally different from the message the person sent.


Hernandez: I’m not getting frustrated. I passed grade school, I think comprehension is far behind. I can comprehend what you are telling me. It’s you having difficulty comprehending me. You call yourself a psychiatrist? Shame.


Doc. Johanessan: You seem to have a problem understanding people.


Hernandez: No, you seem the one with the problem. I answered the questions just like you told me to. To your dissatisfaction in my answers weren’t to your liking. You know, I bet I can teach you a great deal if you just open your mind and listen to me. I know what I am doing. I know what I feel. I know what’s wrong with me. You on the other hand seem to neglect you flaws. You don’t have to pretend. They are there for a reason. No one is perfect.


Doc. Johanessan: You are far from the subject here. This isn’t about me, it’s about you and how I can help you to become superior as yourself. You seem to be living in your own little world where you think everything you do is right. In reality, some aspects are wrong and need attention. Do you spend most of your time alone?


Hernandez: This is dumb.


Doc. Johanessan: Why do you think it’s dumb?


Hernandez: Because it is.


Doc Johanessan: Ok, I will have to see you again next week.You seem to not be improving which is causing you to fall into a deep hole of self satisfaction where you think everything you do is correct…


Hernandez: Just because I know what I want and you don’t doesn’t mean that I’m falling into this hole. You are the hole. (Stands up and walks out)