bloddy wrists

a girl feeeling down and un wanted

in the end all i see is darkness and pain,

with no place to go,

no place to hide,

i'm alone,

i think back to the past 

when i always wanted to die

i'm not a happy person....

i cry my self to sleep each night,

not knowing what else to do.

i pick up a knife

and slit my wrist till i cant

stand the pain no more.

through my tears 

i stare down at my bloody wrist,

all the blood dripping down to the floor,...

i always thought that 

know one would care if i just died.

know one would care.

they just go om with there life 

same as any other day,...

they would't even shred a tear..

can you imagine going though 

your life feeling this way

i feel hated un loved and un wanted.

sad and mad,,but know one cares..

Reviews

[Julio]

As someone who went through this for two years, I understand what it's like. It destroys your life and even when you've overcome it, you're damaged forever. The poem needs work on spelling and grammar, and a few more pauses would be good. I imagine this as a slow lament, but even if I didn't, the pace just needs to be slower to fit the mood that you managed to convey.

Other than that, there's not really much more I can say. The poem is effective although somewhat lacking in power. Perhaps you should try introducing a more abstract element as well as the literal side of depression and attempted suicide. Overall, a good start to what could be a great poem once it's been worked upon. And don't worry - depression can be overcome, trust me.

[Coyote Poetry]

When suicide is the final road. It is a sad end. The poem described great pain and emotion. I put two brothers into graves at eighteen. They thought death was better then life. They left children and family with unanswered question and 25 years later their faces lay heavy on many minds. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Forever Alone]

i love this, its great, i can relate, and it really shows emotion. A great poem, Great Job

[PetiteGemini]

This is a great summing up of how most people feel, including me. I understand what you are going through and you should never stop writing to help you get through all of this.