Russell's Sonnet

A Poem by Mani Kline

There's this one guy......

Smooth streaks of whipped cream

Across a still mocha pond

Opposites we may seem

But his love holds me in bonds

An ivory rose petal

In the cupped hands of his lover

They can talk; the truth stinging like nettles

Searching earnestly for my heart to discover

Autumn kisses into winter cuddles

His cheeks blushing blissful crimson

My former tears into the past’s puddles

So suddenly this feeling has risen

This blur of sound and motion

Somehow I have fallen and landed in the ocean

© 2012 Mani Kline

Author's Note

This is my first sonnet, go easy on little ol me.

My Review

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Reviews

Kim

So pretty! I really like the last line and the opening stanza. My only qualm is with the penultimate stanza. The line "my former tears into the past's puddles" is a bit unclear and "has risen" is a bit weak compared to the rest of the poem. Maybe try to use a different wording here? I'd try to avoid the "has" here (and any type of helping verb in general, such as forms of "to be" or "to have"), which I think is the reason that it feels weaker than the rest. Great work and happy writing! :)

Posted 12 Years Ago

12 Years Ago

Thanks for your help! It's people like you that will help me to be better, and for that, I thank you.. read more

12 Years Ago

Glad to help! :)

gloomysundays

I really liked your sonnet. I could practically envision the couple's relationship in my head. I think it was pretty well written. I felt like the ending was kind of odd and out of place but everything before hand was lovely.
I can't wait to read more from you! Good luck and happy writing!

Cheers!
98/100.