Another depressing little rant.

And it dosnt even ryme. This isn't a poem, just a series of feelings translated into words. Guess I just wanted to put it out there. Maybe people will relate?

It's just kinda hard. Like, I'm listening to some super funky, inspiring and uplifting music, imagining my lil made up scenarios, u know, as you do aha and, honestly, I'm feeling great! So I'm either lying in bed with headphones all comfy and smiley, or.. I'm dancing around my tiny bedroom in hilariously childish pjs, all is well, and then like I stumble past a mirror or something annddd the happy stops. It's like everything slows and my world gets dragged down a little bit, I have to press pause on the beautiful music because my mood no longer matches that song, and to listen to anything so joyous, in that moment, only makes me angry. So angry I feel like breaking down. Because when I look in the mirror I see a different person to the one that I feel like. I see the person that I realise everybody els sees. The person that everybody judges. And when they're looking at me at talking to me, and I've forgotten my reflection, and I'm having a good time and, in that moment, I am happy and I feel beautiful.. I have to stop and remember, beauty is not what they see. They see a body that doesn't fit in to societies criticism and ridiculous rules. They see skin stretched over a structure that doesn't conform to the ideals of "pretty." And weather conscious or unconsciously, weather they chose to admit it or not, their first impression, their opinion, and the way they view me and act towards me begins to shape itself, based.. purely on my appearance and the ever so strong effect that it has. It has an effect on my behaviour. It has an effect on theirs. It has an effect on my mentality. It makes it a struggle for me to know.. not only how to cope, but if I should bother. Un-wanted is a feeling that truly sucks, to say the least haha.

Author's Note

Please ignore my terrible grammar and failed choices of spelling. I haven't bothered to correct it all, as Id rather while reading you attempt to focus purely on content. It's only short. I don't know what jonra or type of writing this is. It's just my mind. It's me welcoming you into my world very very briefly.

Reviews

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Love the rant. There are time we have to let it out and like you I hate being judged by my appearance. There have many times that I hated the person in the mirror. It does affect your mental health because it is hard to live up to the standards of what beauty is but not just beauty but other societal pressures such as success. Stay true to yourself and you will be happier with the person in the mirror because eventually, we do have to look in the mirror and will we be happy with what we see? Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this suffocating subject. Laters, N.

[Curiouslyrecordingmylif..]

Thank you! :) I'm glad you can relate/ appreciate the suckiness of reality. However, thank you for the positive advise, I completely agree. Thanks for your review!