So very fun life can be. Ah the catches that come with it are astounding. You can bring one closer and feel like you push one away. Weaving through the web of broken promises, empty words, inner felings, lies the hypocritcal. The free slaves of the mind jumble in the mad rush to secure oneself... Then it gets left behind. Sitting in the sheltered mind you watch everything evolve and grow, while leaving yourself stationary. The words choke and you are left mumbling like a muted fool. Help can be screaming at you but you hear the dreams. Living a lie of falsehoods and s**t to make the day go bye is no answer. Misconstrued anger fueled by nescience, arrogance, and depression, slowly starts to thaw the feelings of morbidity. Wanting but fully aware it is a dream, you wait, hopeful. You feel cheated, alone, happy, and curious. You see the voracious cycle unfolding but do not wander from your path. You question what drives you and you float in this vast sea of inveracity. Always questioning, never stopping to check yourself. You try to push them all away, but you chicken out... They are all you have now... She is all you want now, but you don't know which one now do you? Both appear to be lost causes to you, but you still want to try. Battling own self pitty and negligance, you twist and melt away what was truth. You love one and like the other, why is this so hard you wonder... Feeling again you think to cut off the rest of the world from you. Heavy heart, fractured thought, broken jaw... getting caught up in a struggle better left alone. And yet you persist... Why you f*****g fool why? Self deteriation never felt so true. Masochism never tasted so holy. The bitter thoughts spawned from one sided battles swell up and hemorrhage rationality. Weak but still moving... Shots left and right but no holes yet. Desperation calms you soul and whispers the sordid words into the cracked skull. Slamming your head into the wall never felt so beneficial, but the blood shows the desperation is claiming you. She is all that ever and will forever matter to you, so why do you trip her and laugh at her? Smacking her when she reaches for you, is it helping you at all? Fights have clouded the judgement and you want to pick apart anyone who looks at you wrong. Seeing him in pain would glorify your disposition. You would be Satan and would show him the truest horror imaginable. But know what pestilence rains from Heaven? Morality... Satan whispers sweet musings into deaf ears, turn off the morality and begin the mortality. Add one letter to a broken man and watch the pain die! What should happen now? Why do you care? Life is predetermined, what is there for you to decide? Give up your morals and live without the fears! Be you! The real you, the one who died. Is she worth it all? Of course she is... Let her go they say, but you can't... too caught up on her to let her drift from your sight. Love is a curse from God. Meddling with one's rationality, that is the purpose... You can never get enough of it. You want what is missing and that is what you find in her. Is that fair subjugating her to she? What is more important, your life of hers? An easy answer you say to yourslef, but is it that simple? She feels it is hers and so do you... wanting what died months ago. Where did it all go? No one can answer that. Try as you might, all you ever do is mess up! Look at what you have done to yourself now! Way to f*****g go dipshit! You deserve this all, you wove this existence anyway...
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