Chapter 4(not finished)

A Chapter by John

“I’m losing my will to live. Everything I
do… everything that is happening… just pushing me
deeper into depression…”
          “What about us? Are you not happy about us?”
asked Lydia .
          “I am just f*****g up… every time we talk,
you just get angry because I say something. I try and
make you happy, but I just piss you off. It’s like
we’re drifting apart. We don’t talk like we used to…”
Lydia stood there. Her eyes watered and she sighed.
          “Why do you feel that way? You’re not
f*****g up… I’m just under a lot of stress right now.
I’ve just been on my last nerve, I am sorry I’ve been
taking it out on you. I really don’t mean to.”
          “Yeah?”
          “Yes.” She said softly. She fell on me and
buried her face in my chest.
          “Fuzz-fuzz!” she giggled.
          “Why do you like that?”
          “I dunno.” She said innocently. “Fuzz-fuzz.”
I had trouble sleeping that night. The burdens of the
past few days were at my throat, suffocating me. I
wrote a lot that night. Some songs, I tried to write a
book, but I knew that would go nowhere.
          “Wake up silly!” I was shaken and beaten
until I stirred from the bed. “Come on, get up now!”
          “Never!” I finally got up and was tackled
back down to the bed. After a couple minutes we
finally got up from bed and went to the kitchen.
          “Did you hear on the news John that there
was a murder at the cemetery the other day? The same
day we went to Ray’s funeral. They say the victim was
a girl and she was knifed. They haven’t been able to
find her killer though.”
          “They already have the killer. That dead
w***e is Marcella, Ray’s murderer.”
          “SHE killed Ray? Why?”
          “He moved on and she couldn’t deal with it.
I met her on his funeral day… she wanted to go to
Heaven and spend an eternity with him. She took the
knife and killed herself. She said Heaven… but really
she is in Hell. That is what she deserved.”
          “That is rather stupid… the motive. ‘I’m
gonna kill you cuz I’m a dumb b***h who can’t accept
reality.’ She really thought she’d go to Heaven?”
          “I guess. F**K HER AND F**K HER MOTIVES!” I
punched a hole through the wall. “I wonder how Justin
is…”
          “Who?”
          “The other me.”
          “Oh! The crazy half of you. Why do you want
to know? He said he didn’t give a f**k about you
anymore.”
          “But still… He is me. I wonder if he is mad.
I wonder if he gained his memories…”
          “Who needs him? Why worry about him when you
have me?”