The Gun

the love of her life wishes to die, but she wont let it happen

He stands there alone in the grass with a gun to his head and weeps. He doesn't know what he's about do to himself or what affect it will have on others.

As she comes around the corner, she sees him and yells "stop the car!" and runs out to save him.

He sees her and becomes scared, but doesnt move a muscle.

"What are you doing?!" She asks him loudly.

"Putting an end to my suffering." He responds.

She begins to cry because she doesn't understand why he is so upset. "Why?" She asks him very quietly and drops to the ground.

"I can't tell you." He says. "You don't understand."

Finally she grows silent and waits to hear the sound of the the trigger blow away his life.

Suddenly his life flashes before his eyes and he realizes what he's doing. He drops to the ground crying and she sees it is over and runs to him, takes the gun from his hand and lays it on the ground beside him.

Without another word, she hugs him and he hugs back..

 

Author's Note

sorry i just used "he" and "she". lol i hope you like it anyways(:

Reviews

[0_o Abbie]

Again you have a TON of potential with this piece. I am left with questions though, what was she doing in the car? Was she looking for him? How did she find him? What suffering? Why can't he tell her? How did he get a hold of a gun (cutting would be much more realistic)? Where was he? Why did he pick there? Like I said earlier, your job as a writer is to give the writer a visual in just a few words. Lets take the gun question, all you'd have to say is "She stared in horror at the gun. She recognized it as the one she'd seen his father take when he went hunting. It had always made her weary.' Or something like that. I mean say it in your own words, but give us an explanation of how this kid got a hold of a gun. Anyways like I said at the beginning this piece has potential. Just add more detail and this could be AMAZING.