Evict a memory

Sticky sweet 

I still taste your love on my fingers 

No matter how many times I scrub them 

Your scent still lingers 

in the rooms of my self control.

Bright and Pure 

Your smile is ever before my eyes. 

Taking the shards of broken dreams 

and all things left unsaid 

I've plunged the sharpened reality 

into your beating core.

Stabbing your words 

and slaying late night "what if...."'s 

that still tug at my soul 

But ashes of you survive 

in the untamed recesses of my mind

In my subconscious you kick up your heels 

and make yourself a home. 

I am left wondering 

How do you evict a memory? 

Author's Note

I am terrible at titles, any feed back on titles would be helpful

Reviews

[terry smith]

you find your soul-mate and they will scrub your memories clean. :)

[.]

~~ "rooms of my self control" (or a play on this image) would... in my humble opinion...be a more suitable title... because this poem takes the reader for a tour in those rooms... in an infinitely poetic and sensitive way...

[Julia Ledo]

The title fits this perfectly fine. If I had one critique it's that it reveals the last line which is really the powerful punch at the end. I'd maybe shorten the title to eviction or something along those lines just so it isnt quoting the last line. But it is up to you this is your poem, and it is a wonderfully written poem at that. There seems to be hidden rhyme schemes in each stanza that helps it flow, its not so concrete in a certain scheme, yet it's not unstructured. I love the message of this poem as well. It is very hard to stop those memories isnt it?

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmingham]

Thank you so much for your review. I think you are totally right. I am thinking of re-titling it to something else. I see what you mean. Thank you for taking time to review!

[sinNsincerity]

I hate placing titles on my work also, but your title is great!
I really think this is a great piece Crystal. Every word spoke to me, I saw so much of myself in here.

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmingham]

Thank you! I really appreciate you taking time to review my work!

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

I think the title you have now is just fine! I feel your pain and frustration in this...remembering all the beautiful things and wanting to forget it all, but it keeps bouncing back like rubberband and sticks to you like a gum to your shoe.

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmingham]

Totally, thank you for your review, it means a lot to me

[Suzy Hazelwood]

How do you evict a memory, very good point! Time, maybe? But some, just refuse to leave, others linger nicely in the background and the rest...haunt. :o( Yes, I know this feeling and I'm sure there won't be many who read it that won't - well said indeed!

Are you happy with your title now? Evict A Memory sounds fine to me. But if not, you could call it 'Ashes Of You' or just 'Ashes'. Sometimes one word titles can be more striking and enticing to read because they throw a question to the potential reader.

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmingham]

I dont truly like titles really, I would name each of mine untitled, but that is boring. I think titles try to sum things up and to me poems are like little snaps of emotions and life and its like summing up a whole person with a name. there is more to it than that... however i almost NEVER read a poem with out a name. lol

[AaronFreitas]

I also hate having to title my writes haha... I love the lines "Stabbing your words and slaying late night "what if...."'s that still tug at my soul" It fits right along the lines of my style... dark and beautiful :) Good job :)

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmingham]

Yeah its gets kinda dark. Thank you. This came out of such a real and tender place that its almost like airing dirty laundry out for all to see so i am glad its well received. I think good poetry has to be honest and real. So i am okay with that.

[AaronFreitas]

Haha I don't know how much of my stuff you've read but I'm pretty sure I am Mr. Dirty laundry on here lmao :)

[Robert]

Crystal Wow, this starts out really strong, " Sticky sweet I still taste your love on my fingers". Good line there. I also like, "Your smile is ever before my eyes".. This is really good Crystal and in regards to the last line, I don't think we can ever evict a memory especially if we keep thinking about it. I believe the only way to evict it is to find a better memory to replace it. You might still thank about it but not as much. Well done.

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmingham]

Thank you so much Robert for you review! i agree with you on the making new memories, but something something as simple as a smell or taste can bring a memory and time back. I think the best thing to do is let yourself feel it and honor it for what it was a move on.

[Robert]

That's true Crystal.

[dan]

Crystal, I usually write a piece and then read it quickly to myself. Whichever phrase or line sticks most in my recollection of the read is isolated; from this source I try to establish a title. But sometimes I think of a title as my first idea and try to structure a piece to justify the title. This is really a lot harder. After reading this piece, if you asked me to name the title I believe it would be: "Ashes of Survival." Now, the review: I don't usually like to quote writes in my reviews, but this part leaped off of the screen at me. "Stabbing your words and slaying late night "what if...."'s that still tug at my soul." Epic turn of a phrase! Crystal, you've got some serious skills. This piece is breathtaking, and it's going straight into my library favorites, and thank you for that. take care...dan

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmingham]

Thank you Dan. I am truly honored. I am proud of this one!