The Outcast

One of my very first stories so it might not be the best

I have been alone most of my life and I liked it that way, but then I saw this girl and my heart skipped a beat. That day I saw the only girl that I ever loved. The thing is though she is dating the person I hate the most. Nathan he has always acted better than me just because he is rich. The thing is though I don’t even know what I did to make him hate me. It happened randomly one day he just came up to me and punched me he probably thought that because he was rich he could get away with it. Well he didn't know me well enough I retaliated. He didn't know that I took kickboxing so I kind of beat the s**t out of him. That was the day I was branded an outcast. Today I am a junior in High school and I am shunned by everyone even by my own parents. I am really sick of everyone being a jerk to me. The only friends I have are my friends in my kickboxing club. They tell me to ignore everyone, but they don’t know the pain that every word I hear feels like. I am in a dark world right now and I just want out. Today is going to be different I am not going to hide I am going to face it head on. I am done taking all the abuse I am going to enjoy the day and not let anyone ruin it. While on my way to school one of the girls in my kickboxing class came up to me and said hi (me not knowing that it was Mira the girl I like.) “Hey how are you.” “What oh sorry M...M..Mira!” “ Did I do something wrong Tyler.” she said as she looked at me with hurt eyes. “No nothing I just didn't expect to see you talking to me today.” “ Why” “Well I figured that that because I beat up your boyfriend that you hated me.” I instantly regretted saying that.

“My boyfriend you mean Nathan.” she then started laughing while I was very confused. “Nathan is not my boyfriend he just goes around telling people that I am.” This statement confused me. “Okay you gotta be joking right I mean he is rich and has a lot of money .” “That doesn't mean anything he doesn't have a personality.” “ This whole time I thought you and him were going out, but he has just been pulling my leg this whole time.” “That is weird why would he do that to you Tyler.” She looked at me with a gaze that almost froze me solid as she said this. “ Well I…..I Think it is because I like you.” she then turned deep red at the confession I don’t know why either until she then told me that she liked me too and I think I felt my heart stopped for a little bit because I passed out after that.  I woke up a few minutes later with my head resting on her lap I then realized that I wasn't dreaming it was real I then asked her if she meant it and she gave me the biggest smile ever and said yes. That day on I haven’t been the same I smile more people are nicer because they see that I am not the same person who was always hateful because I get to kiss an angel every day after school.

Reviews

[Raccoony]

You have potential to be a great writer. I can tell since you are able to draw out your characters' personas ever so naturally. I would only suggest that after some of the dialogue to add: I said and she said so the reader could tell who is saying which dialogue without too much confusion. Adding habits and actions to the characters can help develop them as well. For example: “Did I do something wrong, Tyler?” Mira questioned, tucking a strand of her chocolate hair behind a perfect-to-nibble-on ear.

Looking forward to reading more of your work! ^_^

[Caleb]

Thank you this is very helpful.