Screams From a Quiet Land

From the heartland

I am the one who came in a ship

Within the guts of a rusty steel beast

A country left behind with everything I knew

My will is strong, my resolve is true

I will be the one that in time will endure

 

I work within halls of smoke

Making the things your desires evoke

Feeling hell's heat on winter time

No time for love, no tears to cry.

 

Days come and go

Like paintings from Van Gogh

I am the flesh behind progress

Second thought for those in Congress

 

My face reflects where I have been

Blue eyes behind leathered skin

The blood within my veins

Fertilizes the land that feeds the brains

 

Hands full of soy and corn

Eyes stained with pain and mourn

Chicken and beer

Or shrimp étouffée

A full belly before the needed rest.

 

Through my labor my flag stands

I am everything in this land

 

I am my father and the one before him

I left behind my Hymn

But my identity is still within me

My home is my heart, my house is right here

I am the legs that propel us to dare

 

I own the rivers and the plains

I smile when I see my entire reign

Within these snow covered mountains

The sun is my life, the sky is my fountain

 

A desert suitable for adobes

With whisky I dare sing with coyotes

Everything around me is true

My lungs are full of pure blue

 

An August sun and no shadow

A smile that's chewed too much tobacco

Hands full of October's best

A back aching on a rocking chair

 

Grapes ready to be pressed

New cars and trucks ready for the press

The Gulf watching over fragile homes

While hopelessness offers to dark forces

 

The wind rips what little hair I got

I am all religions rolled into one

My sweat is organic in every way

Sells well in chic markets and cafes

 

The work is hard and anonymous

But it's free from crayon politics.

Our strength comes from mutual support

Through drought or flood,

Fire or storm

 

I am neither delicate nor eloquent

I am invisible but not irrelevant

Amusing I might be for you

Without me you wouldn't be you.

 

Through my labor my flag stands

I am everything in this land.

Reviews

[Bluefire]

"I work within halls of smoke
Making the things your desires evoke
Feeling hell's heat on winter time
No time for love, no tears to cry."
~*~
"The sun is my life, the sky is my fountain"
~*~
"With whisky I dare sing with coyotes"
~*~
I like the way you've painted this picture, to me, your tune sounded out of this world yet at just as many points, very down to earth.
Very well done. ^^

[Delmar Cooper]

The poem makes some assumptions about class and class attitudes that may be questioned, but there is no question it is a celebration of the worker and the farmer. Despite the denial of eloquence it states a case for these toilers with elegance and respect.

Some rhyming words are a little forced in exact meaning, but not brutally contorted to fit the rhyme sceme.

Thanks for writing this poem and sharing it.

[Al R. Arce]

Thank you very much for your review. I am extremely grateful for it.

[C. Rose]

Congratulations!
This piece made it to the top 9 out of 226 submissions.
As your reward, I am sending out RRs on your behalf.
I encourage you to submit this piece to the Promote Me! group's library where the winning pieces of previous contests reside. http://www.writerscafe.org/groups/Promote-Me%21/11216/

Below is the link to vote for Promote Me! III. Voting closes August 15th, 2014.
http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Promote-Me%21-III-%28Poetry%29/50213/

[C. Rose]

"guts of a rusty steel beast", "flesh behind progress", "crayon politics", "full of pure blue", ...
are some of my favorite lines.

Well penned :)

[Tom]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2OivplOBq8

A brilliant epitaph to the working man Sir ! Please take a peek at the above link and this will add further gravitas to your inspirational poem !

[Burton VanGogh]

This is some good writing, you structured the lines around a central theme nicely.

I especially like that line about a mouth that's chewed too much tobacco, it paints such a vivid picture.

The first two lines of the second to last stanza are pure gold. I like the back and forth it creates between people's perceptions and the reality of your own self-perception.

Some of the lines are a little out of joint with the others, like you were finding your way as you were finding the words. It's like you couldn't decide to rhyme or not to rhyme. I think if you wanted to stick to a rhyme scheme, stick to it, or don't follow any scheme at all and keep it more free verse. That's the only constructive feedback I have.

This spoke to me. Reminded me of the blue collar guys in my neighborhood growing up, and of my dad who worked a job that caught him somewhere in between the blue and white collar divide. I''ll have to read more of your stuff.

[Al R. Arce]

Thank you for the review. You were very observant! Poetry is not my strength as I like to stick the rhyme and the cadence. This can limit what you can do. This is one of the most difficult pieces I've written, as it was complex in nature and I used simple verses. Normally, on complex poetry I use internal rhymes to make the verses longer, and thus add substance (see zombie road). That is the challenge of poetry. Though this piece is not perfect its merits outweigh its opportunities! Thanks for reading!