A Christmas Eve

A poem about the true meaning of christmas

Out there in the distance a child. walks towards me
Dreadlocks filled with lice, sagging pants, naked feet
His bones show the hunger, the cold rattle his teeth
He would feed out of trashcans but tonight is christmas eve
I really have no time, I don't want to listen
Maybe if I don't look he will feel my disposition
He is just one of those motherless sons
The ones that steal, out of school, doing drugs.

I enter my car and close the door fast
I am late. I must go. I speed in haste
I got a trunk full of gifts
That to my friends I must hand
While I get my fill of food and ale.
As I drive through the streets
I think of all the things
He could've done to avoid misery.

Out there in the distance, a child simply sits
Listening to carols and laughter from the streets
While on the sky, no star will shine for him
He'll have no gold, frankincense or myrrh
Just hunger with the winter freeze
Jesus, his mother named him
Before she died on a christmas eve

Reviews

[DaughterNature]

This is very good, and so true! I like the images you chose, although it's difficult to tell if the non-speaker is a child (when he was first introduced, I thought you meant an elementary-school-aged kid) or a teen (the whole "out of school, doing drugs" bit). I think the name choice is clever, but if you're going for an allegorical poem, it might be too much of a smack in the face -- and remember that the true meaning of X-mas is caring for all people, regardless of income, faith, background, etc -- so maybe giving your allegory the christian spin is not necessary. Like I said, I like your images, but your speaker feels modern in most of the language; that means lines like "That to my friends I must hand" sound out of place, because the sentence syntax is unnatural. If you're not trying to bend your line to a particular rhythm or rhyme scheme, there's no reason to make it sound passive and archaic like that. On the whole, nice poem!

[Al R. Arce]

You're right. I was not satisfied with it, but it was late in the evening. The main reason why I wrote it is to maintain traffic in my page. Unfortunately people shy away from short stories! I will likely revisit it at some point. Thanks for reading!

[DaughterNature]

You're welcome! And, any time you want to write a short story, I would love to read it -- I really love the power of the short story form!

[TL Boehm]

a riveting reminder set against the back drop of excess - we judge so quickly - roll up the windows and forget. Well penned

[MsJewel]

A powerful and heart touching write my friend. Very well done. I enjoyed reading this one very much.

:) Julie