Deception.

Deception.

A Poem by Crimson_ish
"

This poem is a product of pondering over differences in age and life in a relationship. An affectionate relationship where a person is a radiating joyous person and the other cautious and composed.

"
Some days I feel so much older than you,
I reflect an image of skies,
While you are composed of clouds.
My tired wide eyes watch you leap,
Run, and run, and laugh.
You still squint under sun's yearning,
And that's when I rejoice my age.

Some days I feel so much older than you,
When I watch your reckless youth,
Your fingertips lust to be felt,
Your lips starve for adventures,
You don't shield yourself in rains,
You have stories, lived and narrated.

Some days I feel so much older than you,
Although chronology favours you.
My cinnamon scent explodes with your roses,
Winter harvest extends till rains.

But when I see you bask under the spirit of thrill,
My youth walks with you,
And placidly creates archaic longings,
Then I do not really feel older than you.

© 2016 Crimson_ish


Author's Note

Crimson_ish
Well, my punctuation tends to be a bit authentic in nature and my metaphors complex (I've been told so). Besides that, I would adore a genuine criticism. This is one of my recent works and my first work that I am publishing here. Thank you.

My Review

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Reviews

Ah, Kajal!
Playful, visually alive with a poetic voice all its own, this is wondrously, magically, captivating to the imagination and senses, Dear Poetess.
As an incurable fan of romance, love, and sensuality, I am particularly drawn into you, into the ambience of your charming, original metaphor … into the creative moments' flow of your words, lines, and verses, as excellent poetry should posses the power over its smitten reader.
Every verse has a vibrant heartbeat of its own, and I particularly enjoy your introduction, taking us from an experienced, older-feeling, rejoicing observer (vast as the sky itself), to the youthful, playful cloud-like object of your affection.
Anytime, a poet (of your obvious skill) combines Nature, with the emotions of colour, aroma, touch, and sensation, a masterpiece is bound to be born … as yours here is. I could address every word, line, and verse, but I'm more than sure you've better to do than listen to an enthralled bard's amorous ramblings, eh? : )

Please, let it suffice to say, "I dearly love this … and, I most warmly thank you for such a lovely treat, Kajal!" ⁓ Richard

Posted 8 Years Ago


Crimson_ish

8 Years Ago

Richard,
It's the bard's amorous ramblings that keep the spirit of poesy and art alive! Thank.. read more
Richard🖌

8 Years Ago

Oh, Kajal,
What's not to love about your poetry … obviously, overflowing from a wondrous mi.. read more
Crimson_ish

8 Years Ago

Haha, I haven't exceeded them, thank you again for your charming words :)
oh the words!!! gosh your words are amazing... the imagery was so good to feel and i can honestly visualize it in my mind... phrases like 'reckless youth' , 'fingertips lust', 'cinnamon scent' and 'archaic longings' gave power to the poem... i was walking on your poetry street and witnessing your creative thoughts.... awesome.... full ratings my dear poetess....

Posted 8 Years Ago


Crimson_ish

8 Years Ago

OH! you flatter me yet again! Thank you for just lovely, heartfelt words :) seriously! I am glad you.. read more
Inject Positivity

8 Years Ago

you are welcome, your poetry world seems to me very well maintained...
Hi, I enjoyed reading this. Its thoughtful and put together well. One thing threw it off:
"My tired wide eyes watch you leap,
Run, and run, and laugh." - these actions don't jive well with clouds. Upon reading these lines, your sky/cloud concept disappeared from my mind. The stanza left me with, "ok, so you don't wear sunglasses". I suggest your cloud do things like drift, thunder, or burst... for the sake of readers like me.
My favorite line: "My cinnamon scent explodes with your roses"
Have fun, matt

Posted 8 Years Ago


Crimson_ish

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your review, Matt! This is really helpful, I'll pay attention to my little ver.. read more
mattavelli

8 Years Ago

My pleasure :)
Amazing use of the language and thoughts.
"Although chronology favours you.
My cinnamon scent explodes with your roses,
Winter harvest extends till rains."
The above lines stood out for me. Create nice visions and thoughts. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote


Posted 8 Years Ago


Crimson_ish

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much! I am flattered and in awe! I'm glad the writing moved you. :)
Coyote Poetry

8 Years Ago

I love words. The words were alive and well in the poem and you are welcome.

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Added on March 8, 2016
Last Updated on March 8, 2016
Tags: Love, age, longing, passion, happiness, difference

Author

Crimson_ish
Crimson_ish

About
A woman in her 20s possessing ardent passion for literature and writing, secretly weaved between the trenches of her fingers are silence, melancholy, turmoil, and curiosity. I believe in universe and .. more..

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