You.

A poem written for a special someone. It wasn't supposed to be romantic, but I think it kinda came out that way.

I wish you could see what I see

because...

 

You're really kinda beautiful

I bet you didn't know

Every time I glance your way

I'm dazzled by your glow

 

You surely think I'm lying

But trust me when I say

You're perfectly imperfect

In every single way

 

You scoff at me and run away

But what you just don't see

Your every imperfection

Make up my cup of tea

 

You say your hair is limp and dull

Yet it shimmers in the light

You say your eyes are non-descript

Then why are they so bright?

 

You're sure I must be crazy

Must be out of my mind

But really, ask the boy next door

Your heart he longs to find

 

You silly, beautiful, wonderful girl

Ignorance must be part of your charm

One day I'll show you and the world

My silly, beautiful, wonderful girl

 

Reviews

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

Wonderful discription..of how we can see things in people that they never see.. how even imperfections can be just what floats our boat.

[Boris Jonathan Novak]

The scheme of this was a treat to the eyes while reading. Witty, fun and intelligent. Thanks for sharing this!

[Adela Muresan]

This is great, but ...you really need to change the verse 'My silly, beautiful, wonderful girl' ,because not only is it non-euphonic but it's also extremely similar to another verse in the poem, and the last one always has to be a bit 'sublime'.
Anywayz it's a splendid declaration of love, and I thank you for submitting it to the 'my precious...' contest.

A.M.

[Jean]

Wow this was really nice!
I loved it.
But what's with the rhyming pattern just cutting off at the end? You keep up the ABAB thing all through it and then you turn it into a freeverse. I don't know, it just surprised me and threw off the flow.
Wonderful work though, it was truely beautiful. :]
Keep up the good work! :D

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

What a delightful read. The wonder of youth and an attraction only voiced in poetic verse.


Just beautiful here.


You say your hair is limp and dull

I see it shimmer in the light

You say your eyes are non-descript

Then why are they so bright?



You say I must be crazy

Must be out of my mind

But really, ask the boy next door

Your heart he longs to find



I love this one enough to give you my vote. Keep up the good work


Well done.

[Brianna Brie]

This poem has a wonderful quality of being written from another's point of view. Great way to break out of the common mold. Thanks for entering it into the In My Loves Words contest.

[Barbara Walker]

I think this is a charming poem! It's upbeat, sweet, without being sickening:) Flows well, good rhythm and rhyme scheme. I truly enjoyed reading it! "You say your eyes are non-descript, then why are they so bright?" My favorite lines. Barbara

[Adrian K. Smith]

It is not often that I come across a work that can change tense and yet remain so true to a single sense of time. There is a certain unity of time, presented in the piece, that in time gives the piece a certain unity.

Though I did not see it in any sort of romantic tone, I did at points here and there - question if perhaps it was not to a mirror as much as it was to another...

[Raja]

"Your every imperfection

Make up my cup of tea"

Superb expressions!! You have emphasised on the careless beauty of an unknown lady who is wonderful. I like your poem. Thanks.

Regards

Raja

[Yvonne Heidt]

I loved this! It's exactly what I was looking for when I created the contest. Great job following directions.
:)