My drug of choice is pills, speficially opiates. I chose opiates because they make me feel like i am floating through everything without a care in the world. At the peak of my addiction I was consuming between thirty and fifty pills a day. It got so bad that I couldn't get out of bed in the morning without taking a handful. I was sick, disoriented and weak without them, so I had to take more every two hours. I couldn't eat, sleep, work or socialize without them. They are my magic pills that make all the things in my world seem right, or so I thought. I got what I wanted though, to be physically present but mentally in my own world. I wanted them so bad that it was like I was in love for the first time. They pulled me in and I felt so accepted, welcomed, and wanted. I let them devour me completely and I never looked back. I let them fool me and take so much from me. My high on pills lasted about 4 years the first time around. I detoxed in 2016 and i thought that was the end of it. Little did i know a few months later i dove right back in head first thinking that I could control it, use them in moderation. It didn't take long for me to get right back to where I was.
I am off pills now and I have no intention to ever go back to them. They left me with hardly any memories from the past 5 years, which to me is completely crushing and almost unbelievable, I wish I could put it in words. I am lucky and so thankful to be alive today.
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