Just another me for myself

We've all been there at that stage in life where youre the loner kid..at least I did and I still do this I about how we yearn for certain expectations we can't have but still dream of having anyway.

Friends. Everyone needs friends. At least they think they do.

I've spent my whole life watching people make friends, keeping friends and just having them around. I was always the runt of the litter. I wasn't much different, I could make friends like it was nothing. But keeping them was the hard part.

there was always things I couldn't say or things I couldn't do when I was around them. Always had to follow the rules you see . You can't just go around being yourself all willy nilly. I Guess you could say the only reason I sucked at keeping friends was because of...TV-- and also books.

They always put ideas in my head. Like you can totally be yourself and joke around in an insulting way, people would get it. Well that's just it isn't it? that sort of s**t only happens in Their imagination.Tragic isn't it. If I can't even feel like I can say whatever I want or do whatever I want with my own BFF, whom, I've known since kindergarten. Who are these Scriptwriters to fool the world into thinking there's this perfect love were even your best friends aren't selfish.

The only person I can truly be myself with and who would understand how I feel about certain things head on no short cuts or sugar coating what so ever--is me.

Cliche, I know. But here's the thing I'm not wrong now am I ? I mean come on...who else are you going to get expert advice from, for FREE! But everyone knows that's not enough--at least, I don't.

Sometimes I talk to myself so much I feel like I created a shadow being with just my words spitting out into the air. But most of the time, I wish I had at least that one Friend you know you could always have on call, who could always come over and stay and chat and figure things out with you till midnight...and maybe sleepover Everyday like they had nothing better to do, or like they didn't have a house and bed of their own. Just so, you know, you don't feel completely lonely. So I figured, if I can't have that then...I Guess it'll be stupid to ask for another me for myself.