Hollow

It's about how I felt lonely all my life even in school and also because I'm an only child. It's focus is on how I felt like my place was among others.

HOLLOW By Sangeetha

Open your kitchen cabinet
What do you see?
I see a jar as empty as can be

Open the door to your attic
What do you see?
I see an empty old box
Worn like the old oak tree

Go to your vanity
What do you see?
I see a girl empty like a forgotten dream.

Patient, tolerant and scared was thee
A girl who thought she was a warrior to be.
But what good is a sword if all you use is your shield
When hearts of lions you could not yield.

Look at the vanity again
Now, what do you see?
I see a girl as hollow as can be
Like a jar or a box I hold all that you see.

I listen and I see
All your stories and secrets lay deep within me.
Like an observer looking from the outside in
I must always Watch although it hurts within.

An unbreakable jar I must be to contain your pain
A dusty old box I must be forgotten in vain
All I am is a kneedle in a hay stack

Could be found... But never am.
Show me the thread, I must patch up
Before my heart bursts at the seams
Looks like I'm always there for you...
But there's no one left for me.

Now I'm older and your pain still lies safe with me.
Piled upon others that have entrusted theirs to me.
Where is my pain? Well I cannot say
I locked it up to make way.

People come and people go
But people never stay for me though
I am all that I have.

Open the doors to your soul
Are you just as hollow?

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

as Helen said this piece has the ability to drag the reader in... there is a nice mixture of lively thoughts and painful memory...you played very well with words, its simplicity make the reader feel what the speaker or poet feels.... you got talent and i do believe you will work on more.... full ratings!!!!

[Sangeetha]

Thank you Mr IP I really appreciate your encouraging words as you have suggested i will be working on more peices..and I'm very glad that you enjoyed my piece it was extremely experimental just a little something from the heart. I like to keep things simple so that anyone could read it..at least that's what my mom tells me haha.

[Inject Positivity]

well keep on doing what you love doing my dear frnd... i don't think i had this much creativity as a teenager... i still don't have lol. i think it is harder to put the feelings of heart on pages than to write something by planning....

[Sangeetha]

Ya that's very true I just thought that as a visual artists drawing what you feel is a humongous challenge and putting that in a form an image in your mind trains me to see things in so many different perspectives so when given the opportunity to put in words it's easier because it's a direct way of communicating while communicating through concepts and drawings takes immense amount of heart and soul to let others understand something with pure silence.

[Inject Positivity]

yup very true.... you got nice and wise thoughts too... it will be great to see how you move on and create new works with your creative mind.... all the good wishes...

[Sangeetha]

thank you soo much for that Mr IP i have never had an adult think i was wise before could yu tell that to my dad. haha

[Inject Positivity]

haha... lol... i think you are quite fun to talk to...

[Sangeetha]

oh and if ever you would like to see my art i think i should be able to post some here...in fact my profile picture is the piece i made thats suppose to be the picture version of HOLLOW

[Sangeetha]

well Im glad that you think that Im fun...you have that very comforting vibe as well just like Ms Helen I reckon you have kids of your own?

[Inject Positivity]

kids?? oh my god!!! im 21 now lol... haha... lololol.... well thanks for that sweet compliment... well Ms Helen is like a mother to me... she is always the one who supports me every way.... and you should post them here my frnd, i would love to see them as you draw quite well i can see....

[Sangeetha]

thank you very much many people do say the same thing. one day i hope i can become i really good art teacher. thats why im interning at little artists.

[Inject Positivity]

keep pursuing your dream and keep your willpower strong.... as Abraham Lincoln once said if you want to achieve or learn something and you are willing to do anything to get there, then most of that job has already finished.... keep believing in yourself....

[Sangeetha]

ya i will Mr IP im hoping after my design school course ill have another go at it

[V]

I really like the images, metaphorical ones to emphasise the feeling of being empty inside. I think this is an emotional state of one's mind many people can relate to. Well done imagery though the flow seems to be kind of slightly disturbed throughout (in some lines), it's nonetheless a well thought over poem.

[Sangeetha]

Ya I do agree it is a little off although many of my friends say it's good ...oh well different people different tastes right?

[V]

Yes maybe. I don't like to argue about this. Poetry should be and feel flowing and undisturbed for me, well structured, that's what makes a poem a poem and distinguishes it from other writings but in the end it's all about personal taste and views.

[Jess]

Wow this is so deep. The imagery and descriptions are very vivid.

''I listen and I see
All your stories and secrets lay deep within me.
Like an observer looking from the outside in
I must always Watch although it hurts within.'' - excellent.

Well expressed!

[Sangeetha]

Thank you again for your review ms Jess and telling me which part you like best...I hope all my next pieces will be just as pleasing.😀😀

[M P Ramesh]

sangeetha,
It is the emptiness where the recreation begins. The writers could only find its tip and by experience they know it is a beginning. This is a stage where others( I mean those who are not writers in the full sense) can not enter by virtue of lackness. There is dispute , of course who are and who are not genuine writers. For argument sake it is admitted that every one can become a writer once he/she opens her inner diaspora....... will you call it SOUL? Even then there seems a touch which is inevitable for a fullfledged writing flow. When I reach at your question , it seems that you have already crossed smoothly the mark.
Remembering the psyche and its bonafide reflection are the very syptoms. Excellent
Carry on..............

M P Ramesh

[Sangeetha]

Thank you so much for that Mr ramesh your words of encouragement will not go unnoticed by this teenager haha

[hcarson]

aww, this is sad but wrote in a lovely way. the flow is good and draws the reader in, hoping for a happy ending.well done, full marks

[Sangeetha]

Thank you so much for that review😀 I just literally came up with that last night while looking at my friends poetry app I actually made a painting express this but I really wanted something more impactful in words ...so I just wrote this I Guess ...BTW true story and please feel free to drop a comment on what my next poem should be about😜

[hcarson]

your good, you have a clever way of expression which i can lack but you have it nailed, how about for your next one....happyiness at achieving something.....frustration at being help back....a lost love...a criminal....the pain of knowing you or someone else is dying....fear.....look forward to whatever you write though, your great :)

[Sangeetha]

Omg really ...so this is what it feels like to be appreciated...well I was thinking for my next poem I try Something with yearning as the background I call it....wait for it...fingerprint on the window as for what it's about I ..I don't want to give any spoilers haha😄 Oh and did I mention that I'm a teenager haha

[Sangeetha]

And I must stop you there when you say that u lack in a clever way of expression I've read like all your poetry I thought it wasn't me was very much clever ..and besides you have that ...way of making people feel what you feel ..I wish I could do that ..that was kind of the whole point of this price ...but than again one can't expect to nail everything on the first ry right...ill keep at it thanks a lot for your support though I really thought my poem would go unnoticed.

[Sangeetha]

Hey speaking of criminal you just gave me a brilliant idea for my third piece

[hcarson]

aha see..glad one of them gave you a bit of inspiration :) for a teenager you are fantastic, bright future ahead of you, my daughter is on here, she is a teen also..hunt her down caycie kat carson, like you she new to this..and me lol. you are very good, never doubt yourself..others will do that enough for you! you want to write something then write it and let nothing get in your way :)

[Sangeetha]

How old is your daughter?

[Sangeetha]

And I'm also very grateful for your motivation Ms Helen I will keep writing although I never really saw myself as a writer ..let alone a talented one..but I guess there's a first time for everything and theres no harm in trying something new...plus its an adventure on its own haha.

[Inject Positivity]

well caycie is 13 now as i have known from Helen...

[Sangeetha]

Well that makes me 3 yrs older well I have a feeling well be good friends...the world is filled with them we shouldn't be afraid to reach out right?

[Inject Positivity]

i thought we are frnds lol..

[Sangeetha]

No not us silly we are already frnds I meant me and caycie

[Inject Positivity]

ohoh sorry i thought.... haha...

[Sangeetha]

You thought we weren't already frnds?

[hcarson]

hi both, sorry for not responding i hadnt seen it, IP is correct, shes 13 today..going on 21...and yes you are a very good writer, keep at it :)

[Inject Positivity]

i thought you were asking me if we were frnds or not... lol...

[Sangeetha]

Whaaat noo of course were frnds and thanks for that ms Helen I glad that you think that I'm a good writer. Makes me very happy