Tears of a Clown

I wrote this poem during my early teen years. The idea came to me in a dream, like most of my ideas do, and it got me thinking how much pressure we girls are put under to look "beautiful"

The circus scene is always one to look upon with a smile and bright eyes

Cuz every kid that walks in has money his hands, and eyes on the cotton candy,

While the performers are inside waiting for the crowd to get bigger and just sippin’ on their brandy.

I’ll come up and surprise you till you laugh,

Unless you’re already laughing at the guy next to you, who saw me and pissed in his pants.

I got lipstick smeared way past my lips, and itchy paint on my face,

Just so you’d laugh and give me a couple of bucks before you leave this place.

But sometimes that damn audience won’t laugh, cuz it’ll just be one of those days,

When I’m wishing that I could climb on Dumbo and fly away.

But I won’t let this bullshit bring me down,

Imma look at you straight in the eyes and smile like a frikkin clown

But when the circus is done, and the last show is over

When the that kid is gone, and the cotton candy is finished

I’m gonna sit in that huge tent and all nice and sober.

I’ll come down from Dumbo and forget my dream to fly

And I won’t lie to you, God help me if I try.

I’m gonna cover my face with my dirty hands, just because I’m shy

cuz guess what…

 even clowns gotta cry.

High school is something to look upon with a fake smile and mascara eyes

Cuz every kid that walks in has a cell phone in their hands, and their eyes on that hot girl or guy

While the teachers are waiting for their students to get in class before the bell rings.

I’ll come sit next to you and say hi

Unless your already friends with that girl who came before me, then I won’t even try.

I got bright lipstick on my mouth, and itchy makeup on my face,

Just so you’ll be friend, or that guy would look at me straight.

 But sometimes you won’t even look at me cuz it’s just one of those days,

Where I’m wishing I could climb into my non-existent car and drive away.

And this bullshit will bring me down,

I’m not gonna look at you while you smile at me like a frikkin clown,

Cuz this circus won’t be over for another 4 years,

And even when it is my mistakes will still haunt me,

My choices will taunt me,

My life will revolve around my past,

Around the time when I didn’t have a car or when I sat next to the hottest guy in class.

I’ll sit in my house all nice and sober,

And I’m gonna cover my face cuz I’m still embarrassed about what’s already over,

And I’ll try to stop them, I promise I’ll try

But guess what,

Even teenagers wanna cry.

I’m not a clown, I’m a girl trying to fit in.

I don’t wanna smile just cuz everyone else is,

I don’t wanna wear those jeans cuz that’s what’s really in

Because it takes me a while to pull them past my hips and thighs

And just looking at those skinny girls, busty models makes me wanna die.

And no I don’t like him so get off my back

I’m not trying to steal him from you so please don’t call me a boyfriend stealing rat.

I’m a girl, not a clown

And even If I were I wouldn’t smile, I would frown

Cuz that’s what I feel like wearing all this junk on my face

And so do you, I won’t lie

Whether I’m a frikkin clown or a plastic girl

When no one’s looking, I breakdown and cry.

Author's Note

Please give me some constructive criticism and any advice you may have for me, thank you :)