Chapter Fourteen

Regrets...

Chapter Fourteen

 

 

In her hospital bed, Zenolyn looked small and weak.  Seeing her like that was heart-breaking.  He didn’t like seeing his wife in a state where he could do nothing to help.  Sitting by her bed was one thing but when she didn’t respond to his touch, his words, it was dismal.

 

Never in his life had he imagined her being in such a state.  She was a woman like no other.  She was the one who handled the annoying phone callers, the Jehovah’s Witnesses and the foreign customer service operators who couldn’t understand much English but still were the only ones who handled your accounts!  She did everything.  Why hadn’t he seen and appreciated that before?

 

He took advantage of her being there, he realized at that very moment.  When he was messing around, nothing at home mattered then.  He hadn’t foreseen her in a coma!  He didn’t think she’d be gone from his children’s lives.  None of this was right but he couldn’t do a thing to fix it.  He was as helpless as she was and that was depressing.  He wanted her back.

 

In her room, there were flowers around the room.  It smelled like he’d stepped into a parlor, fresh and lovely.  How could these lovely pieces sit so proudly while the most lovely lay, possibly dying?  He hated being in that room but he loved Zen more.

 

He kicked himself inwardly for not being there for her.  For being asleep when she was up on a ladder doing the job he’d promised.  It was his fault she was in this bed.  He knew it and hoped that no one else thought the same.  They probably did.

 

Condemning himself, he sat beside his wife.  “Zen”, he whispered.  She didn’t move.  He reached for her hand; she was so cold.  He pulled the cheap blanket up over her hands, hoping it would bring some warmth.

 

“The twins miss you.  Believe it or not, Darian is behaving so well.  She misses you too, there’s no one to debate with.”  He waited.  His only response were beeps and a steady shhhhhiing sound from the oxygen she received.  No eye movement or finger twitches to signal she’d heard him.

 

“Damon is doing his best to deal.  Right now, they’re at Mom’s. She sends her love to you.  We miss you Zen.  We miss you terribly.  We need you too.”  More silence.

 

The doctor said she could hear him.  Even Pastor said that the spirit lives inside and allows Zen to hear everything around her.  To always speak positively and it would help her find her way back home.  Darren didn’t know if he believed it but he didn’t want to let any chance of recovery go to waste.  He would talk to his wife everyday.

 

“I’m worried that I’m not doing a good job Zen.  You’re so good with them.  I was wrong to doubt your job and your work.  The kids, well…they know you so much better than me.  And it’s my fault; I was so caught up in doing my job and making money that I didn’t pay attention to the needs of my home.  I’m sorry.

 

“But you can beat this baby.  You’re strong.  You can do anything- I’ve seen you in action.  You’re like Ripley, you destroy all that get’s in your path and I love watching you work.  Come back home.  I don’t pray very well Zen but you know I believe in you.  God doesn’t fix this, you do, I guess.”

 

A shadow flickered to his right, near the window but he ignored it.  He’d seen enough of those ethereal forms that disappear whenever he looked enough to pay it no mind.

 

“Science and religion say so much right now but I know you Zen.  I know you can gather up whatever reserves built in you, use them to mentally and physically come back.  Please Zen, come back to me.  I’m sorry.”

 

Another flicker.  Darren turned to the window, expecting nothing to be there.  For his mind to play, yet another visualization hoax.  Irritated but then surprised, he spied a dove.  A beautiful, white dove fluttering his wings and then settled on the ledge of the window.  How odd.

 

Darren stood up and walked over to the bird.  It was spotless and smooth like freshly settled snow.  It sat there, cooing and looking at Zen.  Darren stared at the bird, wondering why one would be so high up, on a window ledge.

 

The dove robotically turned it’s small head towards Darren.  It’s shiny, black eyes seeped into him, into his soul.  He wasn’t sure how long they stared at one another but he felt like the bird was trying to tell him something.  He felt an odd sense of knowing.  Like he was supposed to figure something out.  Why that feeling plagued him, he didn’t know but it was there.  Curiosity, anger, frustration and fear all covered him, like a dense overlay of emotions. He didn’t like it and tried to push it away.  An ice-cold shiver raced down his spine and he blinked. 

 

When he placed his attention towards the window again, the dove was gone.

 

***

 

“Grandma, look!”

 

The twins were at the dining room table, doing their handwriting lessons when Damon pointed towards the bay windows.  Outside, on the ledge was a large, white dove.  It was magnificent and shined in the sunlight of the morning.  It didn’t do anything, just watched them on busy feet.  

 

Damon loved birds.  He had books in his bedroom filled with birds from around the globe.  From the Australian Brushturkey to the Squirrel Cuckoo, found in the wooded areas of Mexico, Argentina, Uruguay and Trinidad.  He loved them all, game fowl and otherwise.  He even had a poster on the door of his closet that held a photo of every penguin found.  He loved them all, but this dove was something else.  It held him in its gaze, almost calling to him.

 

“I see it Damon, now continue with your writing please.  We want to make sure your writing is perfect when your Mommy comes home.”  Doris reached out and turned his chair back towards the table.

“Do you think Mommy will be home soon?”  Darian asked while practicing her capital letters carefully.

“Yes I do dear.  I think your mom is very strong and her spirit will strengthen her.  She’ll be just fine.”

         “I wish I could help Mommy”, Damon whispered while still gazing at the birdie.

 

“You can, my dear.”

“How Grandma?”  Damon turned around for the answer.  He was getting excited and his creamy face held a huge grin.

“We pray.”

        “That’s not enough”, Darian exclaimed.

        “If we pray, her Holy spirit will find her”, Damon countered.

        “Good answer Damon but her spirit is in her.  She just needs to listen to it.  Her spirit will help her.”

        “Grandma, “ Darian called.  “Do you think her spirit it lost too? Can they both wake up?”

 

        Damon reached over to Darian’s hand and squeezed.  He gazed into his sister’s eyes and said,  “Mommy’s spirit is strong.  It will help her.”

        Darian stared back at her brother and pulled away.  “What do you know?  You’re stupid and young.”

        “I’m the same age as you and I’m not stupid!  You are!”

        “Hey, hey, hey- no fussing at the table”, Grandpa called from the sofa.

 

        Grandma looked at the children while they returned to their studies.  Her babies were something else.  Very intelligent but always in conflict like her boys were when they were young.  She’d hoped these two would be different.

 

Damon, had a nice response to the spirit thing.  He really believed his mommy would be guided back with a strong spirit.  Zen was doing a great job with them.  Her way of teaching, along with the curriculum was showing pronounced results but darned if Darian wasn’t the little monster!  Where did she get it?  And how could Damon be such a polar opposite?

 

         She thought back to his spirit statement and looked over at the window.  The dove was gone.

Author's Note

Please tell me what's on your mind!