Chapter Four

A Chapter by Cre8nFrmWithn

A disagreement brings feelings of indifference.

Proverbs 20:3 (NIV)
“It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”

Chapter Four

Darren returned home a little earlier than usual. He opened the door and announced himself, “Daddy’s home!”

To his surprise, no one responded. He waited then and called again. Around the corner from the foyer Zen poked her head. She smiled weakly and gave him a huge, bear hug.

“They’re in their rooms. Evidently they’re mad at me.” She waited for his words of comfort. Instead he heaved a heavy sigh. He gave no sympathy these days. He always managed to make her feel as though he was tired of things. Darren kissed the top of her head and sat at the table.

“I’ll go see them.” Darren didn’t move.

“Thank you. They need to have more of you, you know.”

“I know, I know. You tell me all the time but I have to work Z. If I stay here and play with the kiddies”, he said in a slightly mocking voice, “then we have no food, no cars and no home.”

Zen’s shoulders slumped. “Darren, why are you being like that? I’m not knocking you for working; You’re always gone and they miss you, is all. You don’t have to be a butt about it.”

He smiled. He loved how clean her filth was. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m just tired. I’ll go talk to the kids, okay?”

“Thank you. Dinner in fifteen”, she called as he ascended the stairs.

***

“She bit me Dadda”, Damon whined as if the injury just occurred.

“He was being a baby. He wouldn’t gimme my toy!”

Darren stared at them, not really sure what to say. They could be mean to one another, no doubt but Darian was really nasty with her bossiness. And she was getting worse! Would this last for another three to four years?

“Darian, you don’t bite your brother, you know this right?” He waited as she stared back intently, her dark brown eyes piercing. She is gonna be hell on wheels, he thought to himself.

“Mommy spanked me”, she stated matter of factly and waited.

Darren didn’t want to give her any indication that he was furious at her words. Zenolyn spanked his little girl? She knew the agreement they had made long before the kids arrived in the world. They had both established that there would be no hit for a hit; they had decided jointly that they would not do such a thing. Yet here was his Darian ….telling on her mother!

“Both of you, stay in your room until we call you down to eat. I don’t want anymore fighting.” He turned directly to Darian and pointed down at her. “Especially from you Missy, got it?”

Darian nodded politely, a sly smile on her lips. “Yes Daddy.”

***

Zenolyn knew she was in trouble by the way Darren stepped down the stairs, his feet sounding like Frankenstein’s boots. Darian told her daddy that she’d gotten spanked.

When she turned from the table setting, she looked up into her husbands face and knew it wouldn’t go over easy. “Before you star-“

“You spanked our daughter?” His voice was rough with controlled anger.

“Yes I did. I’d had enough. They are always fighting and hardly listen to me anymore. And with the way Darian bit into-“

Darren wasn’t listening. “I thought we agreed that there would be no spanking? I thought we had decided this long ago!” His voice rose a bit but it was still low enough that the kids couldn’t hear.

“Are you listening to me at all?” She knew that he hardly ever got mad and for him to be like this, their night wasn’t going to end on a good note. Not like it did much anyway. There was always something wrong lately. Nothing she did was ever good enough anymore.

“I get no respect in this house-not even from you! Why aren’t you listening to me? I’ve tried things your way from the beginning but they are monsters! They fight and talk back to me, especially your Precious little girl! What am I supposed to do?

“You are never here and I have to deal with this all by myself! You don’t even help them with homework anymore so I have to handle it all, almost 24/7. And you have the nerve to come in here fussing at me like I’m your child. How about fussing at them!” She pointed out.

When she was done, he just stared down at her and waited, his face grew crimson with each breath. He was so handsome and she wanted to just hug him and take back all the arguing. It was always about the kids. They hardly had fun anymore.

Instead of kissing him or hugging, as she’d like, she just walked to the kitchen and grabbed the food and finished setting the table.

She called for the kids to wash their hands and come down. Like a thunderstorm they ran down the stairs and plopped into their favorite seats. Darren sat at the head.

Zen sat and put food on everyone’s plate and they said grace. No matter how bad things were, they said their prayers before eating a bite " God still came first in their house.

When they were well into their meals, Zenolyn rose from her seat and walked into the kitchen. She stood by the doorway that lead to the hall. The classroom was to her right and the living room and foyer was on the left. She decided she needed a walk.

Whenever her emotions got the best of her and she needed out. She needed a walk and didn’t want Darren to call her back. Silently she moved to the foyer where her shoes sat on a small, wooden caddy.

She didn’t like to be sneaky but she knew that once Darren heard her open the door, he’d call her foolish. He’d tell her to stay and she didn’t want to.

So she quietly masked the clicking of the door and squeezed out. When she was out she knew Darren had heard. The door didn’t close quiet enough.

When she reached the end of the driveway, she stole a glance back and saw him standing in the window by the door. He didn’t look mad; Darren knew that her best way to cool off was by walking. It helped them both. It saved them both too.

Many times like this, she felt alone and frustrated. Why couldn’t he just see things from her perspective? Why didn’t he show any compassion?

Self-pity is such an awful thing but who could throw her a better party? Her life was like the tip of a small ice cap. With an issue, a trickle of moisture would begin. Then when the next problem continued, fissures developed.

Sometimes a landslide resulted. Other times a full out-n-out meltdown occurred, leaving her dejected, fatigued and sniveling! Everything falls apart and there’s no one person to blame but herself. It was just puzzling, agonizing and infuriating.

It always felt like she was screwing things up but she really knew better. He was just gifted at making her feel like everything she touched turned to poo. It always fell apart!

The most well laid plan seemed to get muddled and lost with her. She thought Darren would make things different. She thought he’d come into her life to perfect things. Well maybe perfection wasn’t what she’d wanted. All she wanted was security, happiness and God. Was that asking for too much?

God seemed to be sitting in the back pews of her life lately. She didn’t try to make it that way, it just was.

If she would make plans for church, he found a way to ruin them. He’d get up late causing the domino effect: the children would wake like demons from slumber. They would whine and fuss and argue amongst themselves, becoming late for their baths.

Combing and brushing their hair was another 20 minutes or more lost before going downstairs to eat. Speaking of which, we won’t even go into the subject of breakfast! It would cause issues in the morning and they’d end up not going to church at all.

Then there were all the times Darren asked if they could go on Monday’s instead of Sunday. God made Sundays holy, not Mondays! And then if she would agree for the Monday night service, something would happen and that service would be missed! They were becoming heathens!

Then there were all the lies. He’d taught the twins well and Darian was Little Miss Liar Extraordinaire! She didn’t even know what honesty was any more. It was disheartening to her. Zen had worked so hard to get the children to understand how important honesty was. Yet, when it came down to telling taking one for the team or going for the gold, her children fell short. She’d cried on more than one occasion about it. What was she going to do?

It’s like she and Darren weren’t the same anymore. Outside of being different colors, they were people with dreams, loves and goals, right? Goals they once shared but no longer exist.

It’s not like they were that different.

Zenolyn grew up in a military-styled home. She grew up with rules and duties to home as well as to school and parents. They went to church; did homework; ate meals together at the table or in the family room on the floor while watching a movie.

They did things like hitting the movie theaters, parties, restaurant dining and so much more. When the kids messed up, they were talked to, fussed at, punished and even spanked when necessary. Zen had her share of spankings for sure but things didn’t go that way in Darren’s home.

They had a very large family with the oldest child being about twenty-three years over the youngest. They never did things with everyone present. They never ate together at a dinner table and they definitely didn’t go to the movies " not even the drive-in!

One night they’d gotten into a heated fuss about how to raise the kids. Zen was upset because, again Darren was never home in time to eat dinner with them. He was regularly home late; the twins would already be in their pajamas, ready for bed.

She complained how he was never around to take them to the store or movies. She objected to looking like a single parent in church every week because he was always too tired or simply refused to attend service. It was disheartening, even though everyone knew them. And how did Darren respond to a list like this of fusses?

“Well I’m sorry I didn’t grow up like Leave It To Beaver! We didn’t have time for that stuff!”

That remark was like a blow to Zen’s face. He’d made a funny at her expense, one that truly meant a lot to her. She didn’t say anything else that night, feelings hurt. He didn’t know it but she’d cried too. She felt silly but his statement struck hard and for what? Because she had a family that liked being around each other? That she had a family that knew how to have fun together?

As she walked about her neighborhood, the tears fell again. Why was she such a baby and were they really that different?

***

“Oh boy”, Darren thought. “I’m in trouble now. She’s probably crying and pissed off.”

He walked away from the window and headed back into the dining room. The kids were goofing around and playing more than eating but he said nothing, deep in thought.

He returned to the table, thinking about his wife’s feelings. How he needed to do more for her. Yeah he was a provider, like she said but was he really a father? A husband? “Must not be if she’s this upset. Late evening walks alone were reserved for the angry and the pissed…or the hurt.”

He sighed to himself. The twins didn’t even notice his sadness. Or they didn’t care. It wasn’t for them to worry about anyway. He had to do something to set things right with his wife.

He cleaned his plate and headed into the kitchen. “Hey, you two done in there? We’ve got a job to do.”

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