He Will Never Know

My feelings..

When rain is falling from the clouds,
The sky is a shade of endless gray.
The sun now hides in darkness
And the trees begin to decay.

Each flower due to bloom
Now wilts in strong disgust.
My heart begins to crumble,
My soul turns into dust.

When lighting starts its crashing
The buildings begin to fall.
The walls are closing in
And there are monsters in the halls.

Each organism ready to live
Now begins to die.
My being begins to collapse,
And I do start to cry.

The mirror is now shattered
For my face remains no more.
My hands begin to fade
There is pain and I feel sore.

My words are now failing.
With one last breath i say,
"I am so sorry, I cannot spend another day."

And so now I feel punished.
He knows I care for him so.
I wish I could tell him,
"I love you,"

But now he'll never know.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading! Please review kindly :)

Reviews

[Matthew James Ginn]

I like your use of personification for the sun. It sets a world that is a little more different than ours and sets the reader quite nicely. The clouds do form a semblance of a depressive feeling; kind of like a feeling that has been harbored in the inside for some time. The juxtaposition of the flower blooming to the wilting personification of disgust is an interesting , although moot way to express imagery. The bit about soul turning to dust is a little cliche but it fits with the tone. The mirror is a good way to show the emotion behind through an inanimate object without actually articulating it. The free verse has a way on not using a rhyme scheme but there were instances where there was and you didn't really stick to it. It was not the same throughout so maybe stick with full free verse or a static rhyme scheme. The end about the person you desire was a nice passionate add on. However, it doesn't really fit with the overall tone of the piece that well in my opinion. Ultimately, good job my friend.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you very much! I really appreciate it :) it's good to hear from you, my friend :)

[C. Lee Battaglia]

:(-BOOM-:)
I thought that this poem was sort of like my state for a while, where I didn’t care about life. That’s when I started to become depressed. But after reading your poem and other writing, It made me happy again CG.
You’re a really dang good writer!

Your Friend,
Chase

[Cool Girl]

Thank you! I'm glad my writing has made you happy :)

[Willard Wells]

I am in odd moods of when I can enjoy reading and sometimes I am just seeing if I can drag myself through a work and find some positive words to express. From the first stanza, you had me. I hesitated. I was afraid if I continued it could not possibly live up to the first stanza that stood alone in beauty. But as I started over and read on, I found to the end a captivating work.

Before I could write this I had to check the date of your work and some of your responses. I see this time may have past to a safe place. I am glad as I am selfish myself and want to read more of your work in the future.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you very much. Your review has made my day :)

[CiNtsaLis]

*GASP* (falls to the ground*) I died from such beauty.. Oh my goodness, Oh my.. how do I put this.. This is such a BEEEAUUTIIIFFFFUULL kind of PAIN; oh dear, oh my.. I like it I loooove it-- no words could describe how beautiful this is.. *hearts drops* One word.. which is.. it is... "MASTERPIECE of heart" (coughs* that's 3 words*) ---> Go away conscience *nodding head* (: Full ratings.

[Cool Girl]

Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!

[Tania]

oh wow ,
I found this deeply beautiful , great job :)

[Cool Girl]

Thank you! :)

[Obscured by the Shadows]

This is so sad and depressing, but that is exactly what you wanted the readers to feel, so I commend you on your talent of evoking emotions. I wish no one had to go through the pain this poem speaks of, I pray you aren't, if you are, keep your head up and simply talk to someone about it.

Beautifully written and it's so... scary I suppose is the word I am looking for. Full ratings.

[Cool Girl]

Aww thank you so much :)

[WittyWonka]

This is so sad, Cool Girl. You describe so well the darkness of this situation. Writing helps!

[Cool Girl]

Thank you!

[WittyWonka]

You're welcome!

[ANTO]

Unrequited love is as valid as the perfect kind and when a realisation hits that it will always be one-sided then the world will come down around our ears and the sky will fall.
One day we look back on how we wasted our love pushing it in directions it wasn't meant to go - depleting our energy and being hard on ourselves for not being what someone, who didnt want us, was looking for,
The line - "There is pain and I feel sore" is a real tearjerker CG.
Keep writing my dear friend.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you so much, ANTO! You're reviews are always a pleasure to read :)

[ANTO]

Always a pleasure to read your work Cool Girl. You are a shining light on this site. Never forget that. You are very well liked and a growing talent !! (hugs)

[luvs2write]

You always create such amazing images in your poems! I really like this one. The last part "I wish I could tell him 'I love you', But now he'll never know" dang...that hit home. Maybe you know who I'm talking about, maybe you don't. But if you do...he shall not be named, unless we code name him Uncle Gus. I think that would be acceptable. Anyway, I'm getting distracted. The point is, I really like this and you are an amazing writer.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you so much! And yeah, I know who you're talking about. *hugs* thanks again :)