To Danny

Dearest Danny, I have no idea what I'm doing. When I found out you left, I started to panic. I commented on your poetry and on your feed. I know you'll probably never see it, but I suppose it helps me wrap my head around the fact that you're gone. Gone...it's such a funny word. Each time I say it, my heart aches. I have no idea what to do, or say, but I will try..for you at least. So I guess a few minutes ago I decided I needed to write something for you. As normal, I clicked on the add writing button, though I didn't know what to choose. I chose story and i don't even know why. Maybe because this isn't a book, nor a chapter, nor a poem. This is just me going on and on about things people will most likely find stupid. This piece of writing is something that I even find stupid. Not because of you, though, of course. Maybe it's because I don't even know what words I want to write. Let me just apologize in advance before you, if you want, decide to keep reading. Danny, you and I met a little over a year ago. I'm not even sure how, but it was here on this site. You were depressed. I hate to say it, but yes. That was how things were. We talked all the time back then; every day and every night. During that time, you and I became close. Don't take that the wrong way. You and I were always like siblings. At the time you were struggling with a boy named Andy. I remember trying to help you with that, and my plan worked. You were happy, I was happy, everything was happy. It's hard to explain how I felt. I just wanted you to be safe. I felt like an angel watching over you or something like that. I felt it my job to take care of you. Danny, I know you more than a lot of other people do. I know a lot about you and how life is. And yes, I'll admit that I'd be depressed too. But I've always urged you to keep trying. I never wanted to lose you. You were and still are my brother. You're the best brother I've ever had. I cherished you more than anything. You see, it's hard for me to say things like this. It's hard knowing that you are gone, Danny. It's so damn hard. I do not know if I've ever told you this, but I'm adopted. I have always wanted an older brother, Danny. It's a private adoption. I don't get to know anything until I'm eighteen. Somehow when I was eleven, though, I found out that I had an older brother and sister. Ever since that day, I built my hopes and dreams around the thought of one day being with my brother and having a brother/sister relationship. As I got older, I've realized I'd never get that. By the time I'm eighteen, he'll have missed 18 years of my life already. We will probably never be close. And that is partially why I was always do protectant of you, Danny. I didn't want to lose you. Losing you is like losing a brother for the second time. Now I know that I'll never be close with either of you. It's strange for me I guess. I hate this, Danny. These words I write probably make no sense to anyone. I bet nobody knows what I'm even talking about. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm talking about. So as these tears pour down my face, I must apologize again. I'm sorry for not being here for you, Danny. I'm sorry for leaving the cafe for so long, and then coming back. I'm sorry I couldn't be a good sister and that I couldn't save you from depression. I'm sorry that you said goodbye and I wasn't even here to answer. Forgive me, Danny. I beg you. I refuse to end this piece begging for forgiveness or by saying goodbye. I will be honest, I don't think I'll ever wrap my head around the fact that you left. It just is so different.. I mean, we've drifted apart many times, and we've even stopped talking to each other for long periods of time, but you never just left. You always came back. I wanted you to always come back. But hey, it's okay. We always had good moments like the smiley face war. That always made me laugh. I miss that a lot. And I miss how you always used to tell me that I was the best sister ever. Sometimes you'd even say, "Love you sis <3" which always made me happy. I guess you never really knew. Maybe if I talked to you more, you would have. There's so much I haven't told you. I wish I had. One day, I will let you know though. I promise. To be honest, I don't know how to finish this story. I don't think it really has an ending. There's a lot that doesn't make sense, but if you had been there, you'd get it. I wish I could remember one of those jokes about the police man you used to tell me, Danny. I want to leave this be on a happy note. And so if I cannot say goodbye, I shall say the opposite.. Danny, I now simply wish to say hello. Your little sister, Aless

Author's Note

I know when I say "you" I switch from "you" meaning Danny and "you" meaning the reader. I'm sorry for that and for the no spacing. It's complicated, but please don't judge this. I wrote this while my emotions were unstable, so it's all over the place. Thank you for reading. Take care <3

Reviews

[Jake Donald Stephens]

Oh wait, he came back.....
Well in any case, this was very touching. I'm an emotional person myself, so I can relate to many of these feelings. I've been through several girls I called "little sis", and oh boy, did that ever end in a train wreck one time, for the whole cafe (and Facebook) to see. Never blame yourself, though. One way or another, that which is meant to be....shall be.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you so much, Jake. You're amazing :)

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Times have been tough but I see they’ve gotten better.
C. Lee Battaglia

[Cool Girl]

Yes indeed, my friend :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

well, ...........


hello there. how you doing?

[Cool Girl]

Danny! Oh my goodness

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yeah...i know.
"the freak is back!! Run!!!"

[Cool Girl]

Awww no.. I love you, Danny

[_Oblivion_]

I really enjoyed this regardless of any you changing mistakes. I've had distant friends and losing touch without knowing where they've gone or how they are today is hard. This story is powerful because it's written with raw emotion for someone you cared deeply for.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you so much!

[ANTO]

What an inventive and unique way to say goodbye to someone who is out of our lives. Say Hi to them. There is great wisdom in that CG. Im no psychologist but I'd say you created a way to circumvent suffering the biggest portion of pain associated with someone leaving.
Smart cookie you are, yes.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you. I've always been horrible at goodbyes, so I do prefer to say hello instead. Take care!

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

this is so beautiful. sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose someone you care about. If you want to talk, let me know and I will talk to you

[Reed]

He isn't dead, or lost! He's been saved!!! He's on Facebook.

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

that is great!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Reed]

https://m.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100011156700055&_rdr

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

okay.............

[Cool Girl]

Thank you for the review. :)

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

welcome.....

[Reed]

Loss?! Why is everyone instantly talking about loss...?!
He'll be back here, because I'mma drag him back if I have to... But he'll be back! I don't know when. But he'll be here.

[Cool Girl]

He can't. His log in info changed

[Reed]

Then I'll make him an account! And ask Nick, to send him over his writing.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

spare the trouble! I'm not wanted here. look around...I'm being "politely" pushed away.

[...]

Dear Poet, this was so deeply touching...
Beautiful! I'm so sorry for your loss :(

[Cool Girl]

Thank you, lynn

[Reed]

https://m.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100011156700055&_rdr