The Other Side of Me

I fake positivity to help others be more cheerful.
I try to be really kind.
It helps them feel more free.

A lot of them have felt worse than I have.
A lot of them are misunderstood.
They wear fake smiles, but all the while, their hearts are melting inside.
And at night,
They cry.

We too have sensitive feelings.
We may look fine on the outside, but we are scared of being judged.
We are scared of all those lies.
We all get pushed around, bullied, and thrown to the ground.
We get called some names and get laughed at everyday.

Sometimes, I look in the mirror.
I look at myself.
I look at how broken down I am.
I touch my heart, and the tears begin to start.

I look at you.
You say that I make you happy, but is it true?
How could it be?

How could you want a girl like me, a girl who feels hurt so easily?
I'm a lonely one.
No one ever cares.
I'm a sad one that's lost in her own head.

I can be over dramatic.
I can be impatient sometimes.
I don't have a good self esteem.
I call myself ugly.

I keep concealed, and I'm quiet.
I don't have many friends, and you know it!
When I do make a friend, I want to have them forever.

I'll start opening up.
I'll share my deepest secrets.
But I got bad luck, and I get torn all over again.

I want people to be honest.
Don't try to spare my emotions.
I need this, I want this, so tell me!

I used to be selfish, but I also used to be happy.
Now, the only place I like is the world within my dreams.

I don't deserve you.
If only you knew what I've done...
Then, you would understand.
Then, you'd see how angry I can get.

You're the light of my life.
You brighten up this darkness, but there are people better than the person writing this right now.

I like love, but it's also left me here to rot.
And I promise that within three months, you will be gone.

So that's okay...
It helps knowing that I won't be the one bringing you sadness.
I'm the one who should feel pain.
It actually relieves me somehow.

That night when I cried a thousand tears...
I sort of miss that feeling.

I've done it once before on a late summer evening.
It was when my best friend left.
I cried like I knew I would.

I always wondered if he cried too.
I know that you did.
And that just showed how much you cared, which makes this harder.
It makes it harder to tell you how bad a person I am.

I suffer from depression.
I suffer from regret.

So if you do decide to leave, I ask you to do it soon.
I ask this only so that it doesn't hurt as much.
I ask this only so that I don't die of a broken heart.

But if you do decide to stay, don't let my words make you upset.
I ask this because I don't mean everything I say.
I ask this because I love you.

Author's Note

I just needed to get my feelings out...

Reviews

[Jetta Zippora]

I know those exact feelings...those exact words...that pain...wow. I almost cried when I read this. So much of my past is in this poem and the memories are always hard to face. I still feel so alone sometimes, thinking that I am not worth it to people...but I'm always moved when I find others that feel the same way. This world is harsh and people are so impossible to connect with sometimes.
I have poured out my heart to people and then they always leave me and take my heart away with them.
You write so well and express your emotions so vividly. I am empathetic to your pain. You have so much talent as a writer. :) Keep on writing.

[Cool Girl]

dont feel alone..
Im always here if you want to talk sometime :)

Thank you so much!
Im so glad that you reviewed!
I will never stop writing, I promise :)

Thanks again!
I hope we can be friends

[Jetta Zippora]

You definitely are a very talented writer. I don't know if you plan to ever write and publish a book one day but I can totally see you capable of doing that :) I am glad to be friends with you.

[Cool Girl]

I really appreciate your kindness and support :)

[ANTO]

Yay CG - this one is top of the pops my friend !!
and deservedly so. Its a truly inspiring write and comes right from your heart and soul, such an ink mixture is always going to reach people in its own personable way with each reader.
You have shared and been honest and open and with no agenda.
CONGRATS!
Write on my beautiful poetic friend. :)))

[Cool Girl]

Thank you so much, ANTO! You have always been so kind. I am truly glad that you liked it :)

[nazia]

Sometimes it becomes so important to fake feelings... You write with such great emotions :) very very expressive...

[Cool Girl]

Thank you so much, Nazia!

[closed]

If this reaches 300 views
we will celebrate^

[Cool Girl]

Lol okay!
If it reached over 200 in three days,
I think it'll reach 300 very soon :)

[Cool Girl]

I think it just went up 30 views in about an hour! Lol

[closed]

lol I think it did too

[Cool Girl]

It's at 321
I guess we must celebrate lol

[closed]

definitely^

[Cool Girl]

Good! I'm excited :)

[Lubna]

Looks like you put your heart out. I really liked how you put together your inner feelings and fear in this poem.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you so much! I like expressing emotions through my writing..

[Lubna]

Your welcome.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yeah, I know those feelings. And I know your pain, yeah, I've had those for too long. Thanks for sharing! I got touched by this poem. Its a little strange, but nevertheless good feeling to see, that I'm not alone with this.

[Cool Girl]

You're welcome! I feel that many can relate..
You'll never be alone though. I'll be your friend :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

:-) thanks. :-)

[Cool Girl]

Youre welcome!

[Willis Walker]

A lot of desperation in this piece, and one that will ring true to more people than you'd think. A smile is just make up to a lot of people, and it never reflects the cataclysm going on in their head. You capture that storm that goes on behind closed doors really powerfully here. Great piece! :)

Willis

[Cool Girl]

Yes indeed..
Thank you so much, Willis!
You are very kind :)

[sereenaoutloud]

very relatable and well written. Nice read.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you! :)

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

Very sorrowful and heart-rending. You've picked up on many themes that youth today and yesterday go through on a daily basis. Wearing masks, faking emotions just to get by. Getting bullied, judged, mocked for no reason...I suppose for the oppressor's to get by, to forget their own insecurities.

"I suffer from depression.
I suffer from regret.

So if you do decide to leave, I ask you to do it soon.
I ask this only so that it doesn't hurt as much.
I ask this only so that I don't die of a broken heart.

But if you do decide to stay, don't let my words make you upset.
I ask this because I don't mean everything I say.
I ask this because I love you."
I liked that you stated you presented your reasons simply, without any explanation. There is no explanation needed when one has depression. And you are loving enough to give the one you love a choice. If you go, please go as soon as possible, because it will be much harder to part ways. If you stay, please understand what I go through and that some days I do not mean what I say.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you so much! You don't know how much I appreciate your kindness and reviews :)

[Ana D S M]

Very heartfelt writing cool girl.
Relatable on so many levels.
Well done.

[Cool Girl]

Thank you so much, Aka! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

[Ana D S M]

You are welcome!