Cumulous Wars (Prologue)

This is the beginning of my story I'm writing. I haven't gotten much out of it, but I got this part done, at least. Hope you enjoy!

The man stood in the corner, shivering. His clothes were torn. Every so often a whimper would escape his mouth and he would clap his hand over it.  He tried as hard as he could to remain silent. But he knew his efforts were poor.

     A woman appeared at the door, tall and lean.  Even in the dark, the man could see the terrifying smile on her heart-shaped face. She walked over to him, almost dancing.  A bubbly laughed echoed the empty room. She playfully stroked the man’s head with her fierce nails. He started sobbing.

     “Oh, hush up, old man. I’m only playing. You really think I’ll hurt you?” she asked, a hint of amusement in her voice.

     “Y-yes, I do. P-p-please don’t hurt m-me. I’ll give anything you want. Just p-p-please don’t hurt me,” he bawled. He fell to his knees and grabbed the woman’s skirts.

     She ripped them away from him. “You poor thing of a man. Do you even want to know about your family? Do you even care for them? I say that they don’t need you. I’ve met your wife. She’s a strong woman. She doesn’t need you, a worthless, spineless slug,” she said through gritted teeth.

     He sobbed louder and started crawling away from the woman. She laughed and snapped her finger.  The man froze. Like a puppet, he was lifted into the air. He hung right in front of the woman’s face.

     “Tell me the info and I just might let you live, although I know that this world would be so much better without you,” the woman said. She took out a long machete and held it to the man’s neck. “Now TALK.”

     The man gulped and spoke, “What you’re looking for can be found at McKalin Lab. I used to work there.  Before I left, they were talking about some serum or something.  It sounded just like what you were talking about. Does that help you?”

     “Hmm, yes, this will certainly please my employer. Now hold still so I can kill you,” she said calmly. She brought the machete down on the man’s neck.

     He didn’t even get a chance to cry out.

The machete fell to the ground and she stood shaking. It had taken her a good deal of energy to maintain her usual deadliness this time. She would have to be careful next time she was sent to do someone else’s dirty work. She might not come back victorious. She dropped to her knees and crawled over to the doorway. Some moonlight fell onto her. She collapsed in a heap and lay still. The light was soaked up by her skin, giving her newfound energy. Soon she sat up and rubbed the dirt off her dress. She stood up and went to pick up her machete. She cleaned off the dried blood and left the building.

Reviews

[Surrealstorm]

This is very interesting, I would love to read more. This seems like a piece that you could really go in so many different directions with. I also think that this character is interesting because though she seems evil in the beginning at the end you show her to be more than that. With a character so steeped in the shades of grey I would love to see what you do with it!

[Elvina CZq]

You left the story with a suspended thirst! Very interesting. I would love to read more... if there's more :P

[fogisbeautiful]

Hmmm... very interesting. I would like it if I could read more about this mysterious woman. As with the last story I reviewed, your writing style appeals to me, very realistic and flowing. Your characters are intriguing, especially the woman. At first I thought maybe she was "evil" in a cliche, villanious way, but then you changed her up at the end and I like that. My only suggestion might be to play up the transformation she makes at the end from evil villian to exhausted anti-hero, just add a little more description, pump it up a little. But once again, I really like this. You should finish the story.

[Marilu Elizabeth]

i like it good write

~*MariluLUVSJo*~