Near the Edge of my Spring

Nearer, nearer to the end of my spring
The vague goals for my summer out of sight;
T’wards dawn’s bright horizon I’m wandering,
Blinded and lost as I was in the night;
Wish I’d a map, even if just a bit,
A compass that points northwestward at best
Don’t know where I’m headed, but will not quit,
For fear all too near may come need to rest.
One day nearing end of my white season,
Accomplishments from my year out of sight,
And down t’wards dark dusk, or so I reason,
Both blind and lost as I enter the night;
Though in my path lie thorn, thicket, and brush
I’ll enjoy it, no hesitance, or rush.

Reviews

[C. Bookman]

I think you overuse the comma a bit. Also, some of the lines are weird because you had to cut out syllables to make them fit the form.

Other than that, it's kind of funny and quite good. The rhyming was generally not forced or strange sounding, and that takes a lot of skill. Maybe try to find full replacement words for the ones you've cut up or that sound awkward as they are (both t'wards, the I'd in the fifth line) and I'd like it a lot more.