Fade To Black

Sometimes you wish to just fade to black. Slipping away, your edges fraying, melting into the background of this godforsaken place. It hurts to think too much. And anytime you actually do think, you always think too much. So you reside to not thinking at all.

You stay up night after night, not wanting to feel those nightmares coldly gripping your face and body in numb terror. You only want to be happy. You don’t want to feel the anger and hurt, the way these humans are selfish and greedy.

Just fade away. Smoothing out into the scenery, never to be brought to life again. Never to be brought back to shape. Always flat and watery, or rough and bumpy, always going with the flow.

You can’t stand this life anymore. You can’t stand this world anymore. When you awaken into the world, free of those nightmares, your relief and happiness last for only a few moments.

Then fade to black. Fade to the back of your mind, only to be enticed by the release of fright… You become nauseous with the sight of the world. The sight of trees dying, things falling to death, becoming gray and fragile. It’s not fair.

They didn’t ask for this. They didn’t ask to be born and then wrought from existence like the much extinguished flames that are harnessed within a monster. It is unfair to be thrown into a sea not knowing anything but how to eat, breathe, sleep, and blink. You barely know how to survive. We are born into this world with the basic instincts, but how can the basics be the same throughout time if time changes the very ground you stand upon? How can you use the same basics as your forefathers, if your forefathers survived completely different obstacles? Yes, we expect this information to be passed down to us, we rely on them to keep us sane and safe.

But humans are most unreliable, it is true.

How are we expected to follow religions and beliefs, if we are given no proof that these beliefs are true? If we are expected to walk on faith alone, when even in testaments and books of religion, deception and lying are shown to us? How are we supposed to trust that a higher power will love us for our flaws and forgive our sins, when society hates us, punishes us for our blemishes and mistakes? How are we to be ourselves in truth and honor, how are we to believe this higher power does not judge, when those around us are constantly judging and pressuring us to be perfect? It only makes us hate our imperfections more than others hate themselves.

This system that humans have derived to make ourselves comfortable with our beings and existences, has many flaws that drive the average human mind insane.

Thinking of things like this, make you feel as small as a pin. Which, aren’t we supposed to feel that way? Has society built us up to believe we are much more than we really are?

I don’t know, and I wish I could say that I don’t care. But I just want to forget it all, and have my mind freed of such bodily worries. And there is no way to do so. I want to fade to black.

Reviews

[Lachenille Papillion]

Embraces for the mindfulness...

Excellent write, filled with palpable contemplations.