Falling in Love the Year I Had So Many Nightmares

The year I fell in love

I

I dreamt about a box

tight, cold and

closing in so solid and cramped, I couldn’t breathe

screaming but there was no sound.

dreaming but afraid.

I woke up, found his arms tight round my waist.

Feeling me tremble, he pulled closer, snuffling into my hair,

still deep in the clutches of sleep he mumbled I love you.

I don’t know how I got here, in tangled cotton sheets

sheltered by his arms, cushioned by his words.

Maybe love is meant to stay unknown.

II

Type love in a search-engine. Receive five million hits.

I find three dictionaries and tips on how to fall into it.

Quotes and song lyrics and how to capture

the often elusive orgasm. Children’s valentines,

nightclubs and directions to Jesus.

Nothing describes the way his fingers tighten around mine.

The tickle of cool breath on damp skin.

They recount a sensation but not the crumble

in the pit of my stomach when he traces the hair curling over my cheekbone.

III

When you’re in love, it’s inescapable.

The freckles scattered across his shoulders;

the one shaped like a heart

even though he denies it.

The scent of your lotion, makes your hands tremble

because his hair smells of lavender from where

you brush through his warm curls.

When you’re in love

the touch of his palm against your hip

soothes the overfilling of your lashes,

bringing you back to where you were before.

Wrapped close in arms

a blossom tightly bound,

protected,

loved.