I

The most personal thing i have ever let people know. I honestly don't know how i am bringing my self to post it, but I guess holding it all in hurts more than knowing that anyone can see it.

Sometimes I hear from others that I am pretty

Sometimes I hear from someone that I am smart

But the voice in my own head laughing at how stupid they sound is just to overbearing

In my head I hear how ugly and how stupid I am

My whole life I have delt with bullies, but until recently I had not noticed I was the worst one of all

I am the one behind the scars and I am the one who lowered my self esteem

I am the one who is paranoid

I am the one who hates the mirror

I am the one who looks deep into my eyes in the mirror and screams and cries how much I hate what I see

I am the one who makes the bruises

I cause my isolation

I am the one who has locked away their heart

I am the one who can not even take a compliment

I am the one who tries to be mean so people wont get attached

I am the one who needs someone, but won’t accept that anyone could ever want me

I hate everything about me

I hate my face

My body

My hair

My intelligence (or lack there of)

I hate my attitude

My pride

My self-esteem (again or lack their of)

I hate who I am but I don’t have a way out

Though suicide has crossed my mind

I could never burden the people that stick around regardless of everything that is wrong with me

I do my best to push people away so I won’t have to worry about people missing me,

But some people are just forever going to be there

For that reason I will suck it up and fight my self in another day.

Reviews

[MAC]

you are precious...a living work of art and though not everybody gets it, it shall never make you less valuable. a wonderfully brave write and I am blessed to have read it. and to have now "met" you.

[country chick]

I could not thank you enough if the words for such a thank you exist. So for now all i have to offer is thank you!