On Why We Do It

 

On Why We Do It

 

~

 

I wish I knew the answer as to why

I find myself saying I love you even though I feel anger beyond description

Without any recognition of why it is I say I love you in this moment of all moments made

In this moment of seemingly clear and crystal hatred, disgust the only emotion trembling my hands

I despise your presence in my presence, my sacred righteous space of enlightened souls

In my life, my mind, my thoughts not co-existing with yours in that singlesouled way

That sickeningly enviously awful, yet truthful, yeah, it's out there somewhere, soul-mate way

Funny, isn't it?

How we see those slightly barely visible conceivable stars sometimes in that blackest black of night

Those nights when the moons are all eclipsed from the silent flood of

Insecure ramblings and false accusations of you aren't one with me and you don't really make love to me

And that sly color that is really the absence of color altogether

Disrupting the clearness of that same midnight dream---you know, that one we all have

Yeah, you have it too

Starlight outshined by the boiling of the blood, that I'm right churning fiery rush of

I hate you

That feeling inside when you think you're right (yeah, you know you're wrong in a way)

Because you know they're wrong in that same vain of (incompatibility)

False values (false connection)

Separation of value judgments

You think I'm wrong

No---

I think you're wrong

Oh, it's all bullshit really

I love you is buried underneath

Yeah, dig a little deeper

To find that glorious light unseen by smog, clouds, pollutions, rainstorms, thoughts of you and I in

Those moments when I think

Yeah, maybe I don't really mean it when I say I love you

Not in that eternally blissful way I see you in my singlesouled fantasies

But, the light prevails!

Continually even when it's

Invisible to the naked eye, the same mortal logical straight-laced thinking square, but curved inside, eye we All have

Yeah, it's universal

Behind my blue corneas, that damned part of me you could never really see unless

You dissected my soul and stripped me of my outer logical thinking

That yeah, I see what I see mentality where nothing else exists, but this

Six months of darkness, that seasonal depression we always talk about

When it's nighttime for the longest time, yeah, it seems like forever

Those moments when I sit there in your gaze, the one that is saying

Yeah, I hate you, but really whispering in your never-been-kissed-before-I-came-along

Lips of sadness and lonely nights and tears on pillows, that silent whisper shouting

Yeah, I love you

Reviews

[first second third]

i know how you feel. i felt like that in most parts with my past relationships. good job and way to capture what really goes on. good job.