As it Was

As it Was

~

You walked into my doorway
        claiming love and mint-flavored bad sex
We ate avocado sandwiches and drank dark red
        pinot noir and savored
                blackberry brandy in the secret hour.

Classical punk introverts.
        Pseudo fake cool.

We wasted days and weeks and months in front of that
        big box
staring half-heartedly at VH1, Dr. Phil, and
                British soccer teams.

I don't really care for sports and
I couldn't give a damn about
Celebrities.

I couldn't pick one out of a crowd.

We drank together and toasted failure and
        celebrated giving up.

Clinked our glasses together and heard yesterday calling us to come home.

Dinner's ready.

We didn't travel much or go see foreign films
        nor did we visit museums in New York City or
        make love at midnight in and out slowly to soft music
        like hippies do.

You watched porn whenever I left you,
        saying you were "busy".

We laughed a lot and cried little though and
        I didn't try to change you much or make you more
        alive or optimistic and never tried to make you cry more
Or let me in on bad
Memories.
 

Reviews

[Kara Emily Krantz]

yup it's true i love your voice.

even though i'm definitely sensing a common theme in your work

common theme in kelly's work: pinot whatnot and various forms of wine

:)

"We drank together and toasted failure and
celebrated giving up. " great line

"We laughed a lot and cried little though and
I didn't try to change you much or make you more
alive or optimistic and never tried to make you cry more "

loved that, as well. you really have some great pieces here, and i'm overjoyed that i started reading them today... because that makes me very happy - so there always better be more for me to read! lol :)

big hugs

[Kees Kapteyn]

I like this poem because it's a conglomerate of all sorts of things that come into a relationship, but there isnt a cliche to be found. It looks lke this is a very good relationship where the two are allowed to be what ever they are and there are no constraints or pretentions. I like both of you!

[A.M. Nelson]

This was a nice read, like your voice has been constrained a bit...it doesn't gush out all its secrets in one go. Makes for a more artful delivery, in a way...

"I don't really care for sports and
I couldn't give a damn about
Celebrities.

I couldn't pick one out of a crowd. "
-- I felt like the shift in focus was important at the time, and i understand why it was necessary to go from "we" to "I" but, you know, I don't really care that you don't really care...seems like a trivial aside more than anything...

I'd delete "Dinner's ready".

But, yes, this is quite fine. I found it pleasant to read.