Sometimes Things Hurt to Think About

7-14-2018

Sometimes things hurt to think about.

I, for sure, know what it’s like to endure the isolated pain that you can’t escape from. Having to silently tolerate the intense memories or thoughts that come to light when you don’t want them to. It’s almost like they want you feel the pain. Like they have a mind of their own and secretly wish to just, hurt you, whenever fit possible.. sometimes things hurt to think about..

Often it’s hard when things are going slightly well. It seems to hit you the hardest when you’re actually experiencing a good day. Things are going well. You’re laughing with your favorite people and it seems like time has disappeared as a concept. Maybe you found that perfect outfit that you might actually like yourself in that day. Your skin may not be as broken out as it usually is and you’re just feeling, happy..for once. Then..it hits you. Like an extreme tidal wave of emotion appearing out of nothing to destroy everything you possess. That one thought, that one memory, that one thing, that could destroy your joy, arrives so boldly while screaming its purpose over again. With thoughts appearing like a light switched off in the dark. Every, and any spark of the joyful bright sun inside of you drains and leaves you feeling, cold, and alone in that pit of darkness. Sometimes things hurt to think about..

This is the time when it gets uncontrollably uncomfortable. Your mood shifts like an earthquake and you can’t seem to run back to the person navigating you only minutes before. Although now captive to those little thoughts, your brain cannot stop over-playing the torturous words or scenarios that have come to your attention. The pain feels so surreal. The brokenness you thought disappeared comes back light and shatters your mind. Maybe a friend or two notice this sudden shift and you try your hardest to still seem hidden. Sometimes things hurt to think about..

At this moment you’re even considering making deals with your mind to take the joy-thieving pain away. You beg and you plead, but the change you pray for seems too distant to reach. Uncomfortably, and disheartened, with a little sadness in tone, you make an excuse to be home. Leaving, before you irrevocably ruin someone else’s day as you have your own. All you are wishing at that very moment is for your brain to disappear for a while. Only so the pain can subside just a little.. if it lets it. Driving home slowly now, as if your sadness has taken over the steering wheel. With your mind turned against you in this moment, as if two dire enemies encounter for the first time in years, it maliciously creates more thoughts for you to endure. You would think these little thoughts would subside, like the pain after a quick paper cut. But no. The wound only bleeds more as your mind expands. Sometimes things hurt to think about..

The day has been long, and your mind is quite tired. You arrive home and slump into bed. Your coping mechanism is entirely your own. Books, music, TV, or sleep. Either one to stop your enemy. The thing is, sometimes those thoughts do get distracted and wither away. And sometimes, in the most unfortunate circumstances, they linger on just a little longer. This may create even more sadness, anger, or brokenness. Which, unbearably tears a hole in your already shattered heart.

Sometimes things hurt to think about and sometimes we can’t control it.

Sometimes they bloom into more painful thorns for thoughts.

And sometimes in the positive outcome, they seek pity on you and disappear moments after.

 

 Whatever the case, things may have different outcomes. Whether we might like them or not. Whichever happens, there are people out there that can relate. We are not alone. Things will either be joyful, sad, or frustrating without any doubt. As for me, as I write and tell you this, all I know, and all I can say is

Anxiety

Sometimes it makes things hurt to think about.

-Mindless Thinker