Losing It.

The thought of death can sometimes drive you mad...

The thought of death arrives

as we go about our lives

slowly the thought drifts by

as if I've finally lost my mind.

Once you realize there's an end

it becomes hard to keep your only friend.

You realize there is no fate,

no sense, in you, you're lost to wait.

Your heart begins to drift

as your thoughts, they start to sift.

the thing you cannot find,

the thought, Have I gone blind?

Your body begins to shiver,

your patience set aquiver

your mind once again aches

as your world begins to break

it twists and bends and falls apart

you sit and think it breaks your heart,

these thoughts of death you can't help think

as slowly into the setting earth you sink...

 

Reviews

[Una Xoto]

I really enjoyed this piece. I have these thoughts every year around this time. The cyclical nature of the seasons always wanes & I am left examining the fragility of life & how everything & everyone must pass. It always leaves a bit more depressed every year. You have really done an amazing job evoking such thoughts
& emotions.

[Penny]

Wat cn say... i'm shivering. Wish i get dis precision in copying on paper exactly wats on my mind..

[sherie carter]

'Your body begins to shiver,

your patience set aquiver

your mind once again aches

as your world begins to break'

Those were my favorite lines. This poem gave me chills.

I really like this, Rippy :)
It makes ya think. Kudos to you!
Excellent write.

[Bamber AKA. AM-HAM]

Amazingly Beautiful. :) I love it. It is deep...like you can feel it, see it, everything. I love it!

It's possible I'm slightly mad, because the thought of death hasn't ever bothered me especially. Though, understandably I can see why people would fear the thought. At the very least you are stepping into a great unknown, and there is the looming possibility that everything you have lived for, and achieved, will be undone and forgotten.

But, this is not the place for morbid rambling; the poem! You've definitely convoyed the unsettling nervousness that can come of entertaining these thoughts, though nearing the end the description seems a little excessive. That may sound unusual, but I can't imagine the mere idea of death causing enough damage to make a person's life "twist and bend and fall apart". It takes a lot more than that to break a person's sanity. Actually, I can't help but think there should be something more here, like a fatal illness bringing up the topic.

That's not wholly important though, a little exaggeration is the basis of poetry and it's just my personal thoughts on the matter. A more pressing issue is the rhythm. If you blur your vision slightly you can visibly see the fluctuation in line lengths, and with it the poem's rhythm. It's easy enough to remedy however, just adding or removing short words in each line to even out the syllable count. I'll leave it up to you whether or not to try that, as it's a little more general than one or two lines that can be quickly corrected.